I made my friend ***** cry when I wouldn't let her call u for an orgy at 3am...I didn't think you'd be to happy being woke up
I just woke up and realized I puked in my boxers WTF.
You stay classy.
The worst part was I forgot until I tried to put them on.
I just told my doc I would like to talk about my drinking problem, but that it would probably get in the way of my weekend plans.
I'm passing your future prison.
Getting pregnant off pre-cum is like getting high off erasers
A worker across the alley is wearing your sombrero sans cat barf.
rolling absolute tits, turn on the red lights for when i get home.
Just had Jager bombs for breakfast with her roommate... I do not regret this newfound lesbianism.
She took the fish and put it in the hot tub, then turned on the jets. She said she was training it for the Olympics.
by the way whatever wisdom you imparted upon me last night was lost to whatever i smoked out of a beer can.
Well, during the ride home I had to personally apologize to both of her breasts.
you smell like cheap hookers & chicken nuggets.
I don't want sex or anything I just really need someone to appreciate how shiny my hair is
COKE WAS NOT ON THE ITINERARY FOR TONIGHT.
Just because I also want a blowjob doesn't mean I don't want to just see you too.
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