Nice. Sry i missed. Also sorry that i pissed on my toothbrush last nite
Sink seemed easy target but balance was no good
she started talking about my kids
was she topless?
He picked me up for our 1st date and saw my roommate crying on the floor Fabreesing her vagina...
He upper decked the toilet, got himself lit on fire 6 times and lit 4 other people on fire in the course of 3 days.
I know. You don't know poor life choice until your sitting on the floor of a community bathroom waiting to vomit at 4 am
If the blood belongs to whoever dumped glitter all over my couch than the motherfucker got what was coming to them. If not, I hope they're ok.
I just bid on a $9000 car because I think its my ex-girlfriends. Yes I wanna hit that again.
The only thing I remember is doing a toddlers and tiaras dance routine onstage. I fucking CURTSIED.
OMG stop. Pretty feet? Sparkle baby!
He's in a nude suit, bald, with a pink headband and a black sharpie streak down his forehead.
Throwing up into Nora's potty chair while simultaneously having beer shits was truly the highlight of my Christmas season.
She said she didn't feel right fucking on her parents dining room table I grabbed the only thing around bubblewrap she blew me for creativity
My favorite bra is missing and I smell like beer and bad decisions. This is definitely a sign that hoe mode is activated.
He's a college graduate, has an excellent job, and respects his family. To say nothing of his 8.5 inch cock. His narcolepsy not withstanding...I'm marrying this motherfucker.
I love friends. Friendship is wonderful. I wish the rain was my friend
he told me I was hypnotizing him with my mouth so I guess I do give good head
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