i just pooped in tubberware. not a proud day
I just googled "buy xanax online". What is wrong with my life?
First order of business is dropping my 9 am gym class. I'm sweating pure vodka.
I didn't know what to do with her so I just tied her to a bench.
The thing is that despite the high paying career and the increased responsibility, my life hasn't changed that much. Only instead of blacking out on $2 wells at some dive I blackout on top shelf martinis in a suit. Oh and only on Fri & Sat nights. Being 30 doesn't suck as bad as everyone led me to believe.
Like her Facebook page isn't even hers. It belongs to her tits. It's Titsbook
I asked what you thought of her and you replied not the biggest I have had
Yo if you blacked out last night, careful going through your purse. There's cocaine in a lollipop wrapper.
Well, I'm hung over and my penis hurts - two signs of success
Be my booze princess bebe. I'll rescue you from the lame tidings you are confined to up in the sober castle.
First encounter with a mirco peen. I was confused when he said he doesnt go down on girls. Cmon dude, practice on a peach.
I licked your asshole in confidence.
There's a dryer on fire at the laundromat, and everyone's just standing around taking pictures. Except me. I'm texting.
I turned on Elf, made myself a mojito, and am eating one of a sleeve of Ritz. You tell me if I wanna go out tonight.
I swear he is my soulmate. He kept feeding me goldfish while we were fucking. Who wouldn't enjoy that while having sex.
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