capris are just wrong
its like "what can i possible wear to make myself look short and fat? Oh I know!!"
I could hear his roommate in the background imitating my sex sounds...
I have my ice chest next to my bed. Instead of breakfast in bed, its beers in bed. 10x better
Would it be safe to assume you're the one that left my front door wide open and left yourself a trail of jaeger drops to find your way back?
A guy wearing a hard hat while floating the river. It's the most responsible drinking we saw all day.
If I can't pick up a cat lady, I probably need to turn to Internet dating.
don't worry i just saved a song to my personal usb drive to give to the dj at the bar. he's playing old school jlo whether he likes it or not.
Please come back. She just stuck her bloody band-aid to Zach's face, has a fire extinguisher, and is talking about tornados hiding.
It's like getting ready for my vaginas own execution
i was completely deserted.. so i stood outside starbucks for 20 minutes trying to convince the employees to open early and take care of me.. fuck you guys
You kept mumbling that you could become one with the carpet as you proceeded to give yourself the worst carpet burn I have ever seen
I just watched Matt try to put on a pillowcase thinking it was a t-shirt.
he just left the suite without pants on wrapped in Christmas lights
Well I didn't get a shacker shirt but I somehow managed to come home with superman socks
I'm more heavily invested in that tequila than you are
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