I don't do stupid things anymore. I do stupid people.
You were screaming at a bartender last night for not referring to you as god.
and apparently I tried to pay for beer with a tampon.
You told me you were pretty sure you were god because you knew everything about everyone.
I remember asking you "need some dick tonite?"
Yeah I guess to me frat party equals penis party. oh the wonders of vodka.
I think I kinda scared him when I told him if he premature ejaculated I would punch him in the throat.
When we were grinding I think your nuva ring fell into my shoe
The bouncer called to give me my shoes back when I got there he said " I'm all cool with fuvking bitches but when you try to to do it in my bar on the pool table you're gonna get chocked out every time"
At least you got your shooes
No. I think its because I really and truly know that he is a moron and his future prospects are zoo animals.
Its raining shots and i keep catching them in my mouth like you with dicks shits crazy
He just showed up with a bottle of wild turkey a half a can of coke and some marshmallows yelling "gobble gobble bitches" my roommates hate my cousin
Going to jail was so much more fun than I thought it would be. I feel like I walked away with more than just a bomb-ass mugshot, I feel like I made some life long friends.
Celebratory bar crawl?
Guess who just made out with Sloth from The Goonies!
Now, one of you come feed me, the other read me my physics book...I'm too hungover for this shit...
IT IS EARTH DAY, RECORD STORE DAY, 4/20 EVE, AND SATURDAY ALL AT THE SAME TIME!
So, is Canada considered an excessive distance to go for a booty call? Asking for a friend...
Randomize
