I pooped in a mop bucket.
WTF???
Their employee restroom was locked what kind of customer service is that
u kept pointing at random guys and making quacking or mooing sounds.
the campus cop used the word depravity in our citation.
The cabbie told me fat girls shouldn't wear tight clothes, and that he feels bad for the guys that have to be underneath them, especially because their positions are "very limited" and proceeded to ask me if I had a trash can and if I could throw something away for him. Don't worry though, he promised it wasn't anything "bad". He then handed me a tied up grocery bag with a bunch of wadded up Kleenex that weighed about 3 pounds. To answer your question, yes I made it home. Fml
Best part of having a window in your office is that you can leave through it when you shit your pants at work.
There's still helium in the tank I found in the garbage outside the bar!
How much money would it take for the bouncer to get us beers while we wait in line to get in?
$450 apparently whoopwhoop
The best was when you were crying, and trying to get the bouncer to "understand you AS A HUMAN BEING"
You peed on a pole and declared to a cop that it was your pole and yelled at him to not even look at it, and then yelled at all of us for looking at it.
All I want to do is shower, but there is a keg in there.
I'm two shots in and wandering around Barnes and Noble with $58 in singles.
I can't adult today.
Take a nap and try again
I have to buy a couch. There's nothing more adult than buying a couch on a Tuesday.
His girlfriend left him for the pizza guy. I am not fucking kidding.
And you hate the library
Yea but I love drugs and my grades
Damn. Looks like nobody I know is doing anything interesting. Guess it's another slut-it-up-with-strangers sort of night.
Randomize
