Brandy, I need a picture of your boobs. Not time to explain.
ice luge is my downfall...
...u mean upfall.
All I remember is yelling at him to admit he liked Bon Jovi, then accusing him of giving love a bad name.
I'm so hungover I took Dramamine to help prevent the motion sickness of walking.
he confused my yawn for an orgasm
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
I did what any insensitive guy would do bought her friends shots and tried to fuck them
It feels like New Years Day all over again...me trying desperately not to throw up in the backseat & mom and dad blissfully unaware in the front
I was talking to another guy at the bar last night and all of a sudden a flying piece of Sausage lands on my boobs. Then I hear my boyfriend yell, "just marking my territory."
Either you got hacked or we need to have a serious discussion about sending penis enlargement emails to your straight friends and why you shouldn't. It sends the wrong message.
Woke up naked on a bed full of money, doughnuts, and keys that weren't mine. Unsent dick pick on phone, and cheap cigar butt on my pillow. Also...I maybe hotwired my car.
I thanked him for the booty call offer but told him I'd rather just do it myself
Something tells me your "Titties for Tracy Morgan" fundraiser won't pan out.
I'm pretty sure the guy who was grinding on me while I was trying to get a drink at he bar was one of my tinder matches
She threw her burger out the car window last night. My vegan neighbors were not pleased but I’m pretty sure I saw a for sale sign go up on their lawn so I owe her one.
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