I just wished the taco bell drive thru guy a happy cinco de mayo. Who says arizonians hate mexicans?
everybody makes mistakes
i didn't know they allowed you to text in ambulances
he went down on me with a nose plug on, you tell me how it went
My boyfriend woke me up in the middle of the night to have sex with me right before I had sex with another guy in my dream. What a unique sixth sense his penis has.
In hindsight, buying 4 different kinds of vibrators at once may have been a little overenthusiastic of me.
New rule during sex: if it causes you to take your rings off, don't do it.
In fairness it was pretty good sex, but I still wasn't expecting the mass cheering and applause he got on leaving my tent
Your excessive judging is making this uncomfortable
We team puked and then made sex like wild monkeys. If that isn't love, I don't know what is.
Is "when in doubt date the guy with the bigger dick" a good philosophy?
I was so drunk last night I asked a rando at the bar to take a picture with me cause I thought he was in the band
She picked me up from the bar in her underwear.
So my mom wants to hear about my weekend. How do I make licking cupcake frosting off your face while high not sound like just that?
You sealing the pinky promise with a shot was much better than just kissing it
Am I the only person in the world that does not give a shit about the avengers?
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