I just wanted to say sorry for trying to jack off your dog last night.
Your mom can still drink beer standing on her head! Talk to you tomorrow :)
Mom wtf!?
med student doing my blood work at the AIDS clinic just hit on me after I told him i was having unprotected sex, but didn't think i had HIV.
You're cordially invited to the love nest for alcoholic and aquatic adventures. Also known as an all expense paid trip to my pool, alcohol, and vagina.
Can we just ponder our lives for a second.
No I think my brain may implode in a puff of cocaine and sparkles.
Because of his penis, I can't even look at a hot dog
For future reference "bring our litter sisters on our date day" is not such a good idea
I can't answer my phone I'm at work
I slept with a male stripper last night. Priorities
This means I've slept with 2 ppl that live in vans...my life is complete
He fed us edamame like baby birds. Slowly all coming back to me.
I decided not to look up the nudes, because I believe that there is a line, and that mocking my old classmate's horrid nudes alone crosses that line.
I basically have the attention span of a ferret on meth when it comes to men
The last thing I need is a possessed urethra.
we have beer and we're watching the birds have sex in our yard.
Bruh. You offered the cashier tater tots that you had stuffed in your pocket.
Yeah, and? She might've been hungry.
Randomize
