It was like if Side-show Bob had a vagina for a mouth
i realized that the internet ruins the joy of a father passing down playboys to his son
she "accidentally" hit me with her car, its almost as if she know im fucking her boyfriend.
she was sobbing drunk in the backseat about her dead cat and how the guy in the front seat didn't want to hook up with her
It happened again. Now theres even more baby powder and its all over the place, I'm not cleaning that house.
That chick needs a catscan. And fuck it, we're still ordering in a stripper
She's pathetic and vulnerable..and short. Thats his type.
I'm missing some hair, but it's cool. Breadsticks are done.
he needs to stop knowing everyone on campus...it's making cheating on him really difficult.
Things i learned at work today: do not put mayonaise on a tattoo, it will get infected.
There's times when I need to be plowed... and I'm ashamed to admit auto correct was able to predict that entire sentence.
but I'm still not sure how you became more and more fluent in Spanish the drunker you got
So I forgot to ask, how was that bartender you slept with two weeks ago?
Google chlamydia.
Are you ok? Who pooped in my office?
My brother is coming home and he is bringing a whole bunch of friends with him. I am making him a cake. What should i put on it?
"Open for business" or "I have condoms" would probably work
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