I told him that he is like a snow storm I never know when he is coming, how many inches I will get, or how long it will last
I just found her phone in the quesadilla maker...
Im drinking a large pickle jar full of Emergency, water and left over pickle juice and I dont care.
the $20 limit for secret santa doesn't apply to me cause you know a half gram of coke is more than $20
She brought a box of chocolates to give the bartender and now he's giving her free shots.. Why didn't we think of that?
Hahhaha I literally just rolled outta bed and went to get beer in my pj's and slippers. God I love graduating
I have an explanation for how we got this drunk this fast... but you wont like it. We are officially in complete liver failure.
This guy needs to come out; I can feel him sucking my dick from across the room.
One step ahead. Always. Roses are red, violets are blue... I'm gonna fuck you with a rake.
So I had a crappy evening so the fat girl in me says eat and cry and watch something sad. The cool girl in me says don't eat go run. So I'm watching family guy and doing crunches w a pickle in my mouth
Gross
AN ACTUAL PICKLE
If I were you I'd use my green card to do more coke and less talking
I'll be the Broncos and you be the Seahawks and you can pound the shit out of me.
This may be the alcohol talking, but I'm pretty sure I know Spanish now
Just an fyi, you also tried to wrangle a peacock last night.
im looking at the positives. number one it stopped me from hooking up with vince infront of his girl, number two it gave me something to do instead of throwing up and number three i fuckin rocked his world
Randomize