I'm laying in your front yard are you home
we sat in the hammock and pretended we were skydiving for three hours. jack actually started crying when i convinced him his chute didnt open.
Um, I don't really remember much about the event... and then I woke up on the metro..
It's not kidnapping if it's romantic
Don't freak out about the couches in the driveway. We tried to unpack the uhaul drunk.
On the bright side I still get a $20 referral bonus at the plasma center even though he passed out during donation because he was so high.
Just beat off to internet porn while talking to my mom on the phone and eating a cinnamon roll. U have 5 minutes to get on my level
I'm confused are we getting high or did someone actually die?
It's like a challenge who can be the biggest embarrassment to the family. I win 80% of the time.
You turn 21 at midnight!
This is better than being born!!
This strange Italian man told me he wants to take me for ice cream and kept calling me "tomato" from tinder
You put on a bike helmet, yelled "doesn't matter fuck it" then punched a stick the fire
That's Danny the boy who threw up in the Doritos bag
He was passed out, face in the toilet, so I just pissed on his head. Serves him right
she hand cuffed me to the bed naked, jumped off the dresser naked, hit her head on the fan and knocked herself out. when her mom came home i had to call her for help, she could have died man...
Randomize
