dont worry about it. i always have emergency bong water with me
people who like being in relationships make me feel bad about myself.
At this point do you think buying mom a pot plant would be funny or highly inappropriate?
I'm at a party with half naked strippers driving in a little kids battery powered mustang around a stipper pole in his bedroom
just tried to scoop ice cream with a steak knife. now in the emergency room with a the cab diver and the drag queen he picked up on the way. its gonna be a loooong day.
to have them in my mouth would be like meeting a unicorn while floating on a cloud of glitter
He gave me a beer, petted my head, and called me kiddo.
I just got nudes while talking in the third person. Not sure if I Should be proud or ashamed.
I forgot my backup drink is supposed to be pedialyte and vodka. Add in the shit I'm losing as I drink. Win-Win right?
She didn't complain to the library attendant about us being too loud. She complained after you grabbed her highlighter off the table to stir vodka into your tumbler with.
This is why we can never be together. Well that and we r married to other ppl but that's very minor detail compared to the coffee issue
If you send me another picture of a donut on your penis while I'm at work, I may have to slap you With the donut.
So I was walking to the bathroom and some random dude threw up while walking towards me. He kept eye contact the entire time and didn't stop moving.
Omg no hes gotta go down on me. Then itll be like my vagina has kissed the stanley cup.
I can't be a daydrinker without you. It just doesn't work.
I love you too.
Randomize
