i think i just puked on my phone
we live great lives
dunno bout you, but i grow tired of beef curtains
You saying I have a drinkingg problem is like saying Superman has a flying problem.
why dont you just whore around college until someone loves you...thats how it works for girls isnt it?
i just googled the alphabet. i couldnt remember if it was jklomnop or jklmnop.
After we finished he asked if I knew if it was a boy or girl. Diet. Starts. Now.
and do you remember when you were dressing me if i had money in my bra?
There's a big bag of salt and vinegar chips and a Budweiser for when you wake up. Don't say I never did anything for you.
We got kicked out after you decided to chase your shot using the soda gun behind the bar.
You went streaking and came back with your shirt inside out. Then said "it happens in the line of duty" and passed out.
I just burped smoke on the bus. Hello 6:48am
I have seriously seen way too may DIY cut off jean booty shorts and half shirts on fat girls this summer. Fuck you Pinterest.
I know you saw me get knocked out after I stepped on that rake why did you leave me there
you're not celebrating your 21st birthday right unless you give a male stripper a hand job, flash the bartender, and win a free vibrator.
I didn't really break out of the friend zone, as much as I blasted the doors off with high explosives and rode through on a grizzly bear...
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