My mom found a condom in my purse
Correction: my mom found a used condom in my purse.
she was so ugly that the sight of her made me shiver and then i had to play it off like a draft blew by that only i felt.
there was a trapeze. enough said
counting down the days left of school on my birth control packet.
I feel like I should I write an apology note to the frat for falling down stairs, passing out on the couch, and chugging the entire bottle of burnetts at semiforml last weekend. Apparently I was the main topic of discussion at their chapter meeting last night.
i should have probably stopped drinking when my beer pong shots were hitting the other team in the face..
yeah thats usually a good indication.
we cant have a funnel and a dog. thats a lot of responsibility
Just to be safe, you should be prepared to jump out of a second story window
I just realized I'm the burger in your burger and steak anology. Very disconcerting.
In his defense he just bought a bong like a week ago so he's still in that honeymoon phase.
It's a strange mix of shame and pride every time I pee at the bar and still see my lipstick on the bathroom wall...
I can't believe you didn't come out. There was a duckling ON THE BAR!
And then he said he wanted to "get really weird with me on my horse." I took that as he wants to fuck me while riding my horse. Could be a good time.
This morning I found four opened yet full beers on my desk and my towel rack pulled off the wall and in bed with me
I swear if you get so drunk that I have to sing Bohemian Rhapsody to you again to get you to come out of the bathroom I'm leaving you at the bar this time.
Randomize
