Great. There's a birthday party at work today. Now I can stand around and feel uncomfortable for an hour.
): 100 percent naked, unless you count a tiara as clothing.
i am going to show so many millionaires my nipple
I'm gonna lurk in the mother fucking bushes and watch karma take him down like a gimpy gazelle.
Regardless of age or alcohol consumption, the knowledge that my dad spanks my mom sexually has the very real potential to fuck my shit up.
Hows the party lookin?
At a live sex show right now. Not sure about the employee party
I greatly enjoy being related to her. Even if is it only by a penis.
Bringing families together since 1987
Do to my newly discovered condition I'm having to resort to emergency beat sessions to avoid the temptation to text girls I know are easy slams.
The one time my sister did shrooms she thought she was thumbalina. I can't live my life that way
My bail money is reserved for people I either A, think were in the right, or B, have an awesome story that leads up to needing it. Just remember that before you call me.
They were assless. I wore assless football pants.
As soon as he called me 'darling' in that Scottish accent... my pants just dropped.
I love you. I would never turn you into a bear.
No, I'm not a heathen. You two are the heathens, I'm the whore.
It was get out of line and go pee and get no beef briskit. Or stay in line, pee my pants, but have beef briskit. I really wanted my beef briskit
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