I mean, you're like my second best best friend we're so close I can't believe you'd do that to me
Do you think there's anyone left in this world that hasn't masturbated in a computer chair?
dude i just saw a topless girl trying to get into her locked car. im moving here
Apparently we had sex last night, and then I made him drive me to the beach so I could puke in the ocean.
ok. can u leave the new roommate a list of instructions for me? like what i need to be fed and when i need to be exercised?
Corn dogs constantly. And all.the time
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE ASSHOLE WHO BREAKS OUT THE SHOTS
Our room will be decorated with my urine.
He pointed at some girls and said "I'm gonna have sex with them girls over there", and disappeared.
We're all getting matching jack daniels tattoos. We're gonna be an alcoholic gang of awesome.
When I took off my jeans he became more excited about my Elmo underwear than sex but to be fair, who can blame him. They're awesome undies.
He got me a cake that said " Congratulations on the dick "
Best day ever, my junk is bigger than Kate Uptons boyfriends. Yay for Fappening day!
Thanks for bringing that stuff to help me feel better...you know, the water, the Gatorade, and the dick. You really are the best friend ever.
He's driving 2 hours to visit me and he's bringing weed. I love him so much.
I would be down to associate sex w taco bell
Randomize
