Grossest hangover story of 09: Puked in the bathtub. I was in it.
how could I be having a bad time, I have the three most important things in life: Goat cheese, Xanax, and Saved By the Bell Re-runs.
I'm in the liquor aisle and a 10 yr old boy yells, "My favorite beer is Corona! Daddy remember when you gave me some on our camping trip?"
I'm so proud of your ability to turn my Charlie horse last night into anal sex.
We invented "Diesel Bombs." They're supposed to be a bomb, but they come in a 20+ oz. glass and have a blackout record of 6 wins and 0 losses. Undoubtedly going to be the next Muhammed Ali of the drinking world.
It's official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world.
i just remember explaining why my socks were better than everyone elses.
He texted me saying that his mom found my nuva ring in their jacuzzi filter. I don't think I'm welcome back anytime soon.
I am drunk. Riding an elevator. You can smell the beer. Doctor on with me just smiling at me... He agrees, fuck cancer.
Let's just do a victory lap through all of our exes.
omg just made cake vodka jello shots, sooooo excited
dear god these taste like death. death and sprinkles
I found them. Thank God. Now I'm gonna have to take a Xanax for the panic attack I almost had trying to find my Xanax.
no, I didn't go in the end. Too hungover and hot, plus Star Wars is on so obviously I'm having a naked day.
Basically she credited me and my dick pic for boosting the moral of all the Safeway workers
I like your optimism Chelsea but I'm not about getting my salad tossed
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