Remind me to tell you the "if you give a mouse a special brownie" story when you get back
Mom got me cough medicine that tastes like tequila . She said she took taste tests. Best mom ever.
It was either a cute kinda butch tomgirl or a really fem guy. Either way, I made out with it. Bisexuality, my best friend.
I never thought to pass out in a hotel lobby rather then paying for a hotel room until you taught me that's acceptable at the Hilton
yeah, i'm not. but i'm ready for free bjs. it's just hard to find women who will give me a beej while i'm sobbing uncontrollably
I wanna get shitfaced and yell about Tim tebow
Well for starters the people who just made my burger at the grab and go just told me to "hang in there"
You're either a hooker or Beyonce. Beyonce is abnormally good at doing everything in heels
I thought i lost my bra, but when i went back to help clean it was hanging up on the wall
It was like the devil him self busted his red hot satanic nuts all over my face and burned my eyes out of my innocent sockets.
he just sent me a dick pic, it highly resembled a cheese stick
I fell asleep with a half eating burrito in my hand and woke up to cat vomit with burrito in it.
apparently ive been in a long term relationship for the past 1 1/2 years w/ out knowing
I'm actually on the verge of cancelling a booty call because I have an early meeting tomorrow. If this is what adulthood is going to be like, I'll pass.
Drunk me bought a cell phone last week and began texting sober me. The conversation between the two is still on going.
Randomize