Worst sexual experience IN MY LIFE. And now i know why it makes jesus cry.
Time to put an end to this 'unprotected sex with crazy girls who have violent exes' trip I've been on so far this summer
I just realized I haven't had steady access to a woman's body since I was breastfeeding.
i deep throated a ruler to see what my limit was...
woke up with a used condom shoved in my ear. i officially hate alcohol.
I know I said that I'd stop dating 20 year olds... but at least this one's not my student...
U shoulda just taken her to a stall and banged her and let me watch the game. Some friend u r.
Why did I just get a ziplock baggie labeled "2010" on it from you in the mail?
You straddled the banister and fell down the stairs, then proceeded to crawl back up them, I think you need to lay down
Dude. You gotta go home. I think I left the snake hanging on the chandelier.
Just dodged a state trooper, your weed will be there shortly. Fear the unbustable!
This is the guy I made out with and it made me think of my dad. Let's never talk about it again.
MUFFINS DON'T MAKE YOU ORGASM MULTIPLE TIMES OR HAVE ROCK HARD MUSCLES.
She told us she had powers and that eating tree bark cures the shits.
TSA doesn’t allow handcuffs in carryon bags. Super fun they confiscated them in front of my boss and coworker.
Randomize
