wake up i wanna do it froggy style
Talking to this girl is like playing minesweeper on hard. There's red flags everywhere.
Ah, the precious few moments between when i wake up and when i realize why i'm sleeping on a treadmill.
youre totally missing out on eating your boogers right now. my entire face is numb
she kicked me out for pissing in the recycling bin. I mean, is it really THAT big of a deal?
Fuck now we have to have sex
What?
In a bet, need to win
Chick took off her bra in the middle of class cuz it was "too hot." How's going out of state feel now?
I stumbled into my living room at 4 a.m. to find him hurling my laptop across the room and his pants around his ankles. Clearly his night didn't go as planned.
The best part is when you puked in your slurpree and the 7 eleven guy still made you pay for it
I'm not sure what happened. But I must have won because I obviously stole two full pitchers of beer from the bar and taped a note on them saying "your welcome"
I kindof just wanted to go downstairs and let his dad know how good his son was at sex
Oh damn. God have mercy on everything w a dick in a ten mile radius.
I want to get up and tell you that smells delicious but I'm struggling with the idea of pants
I don't think I've ever been sadder than the way I feel when I finish my meal while I'm high
I'll just say I told you so at your funeral
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