this morning i woke up with my panties on and i knew where i was. success.
i don't think you understand, blowjobs are like flowers for guys.
she made my bed before she left. i think i'm gonna keep banging her to get the housework done
OMG HAIR ON HIS DICK. HAIR ON HIS DICK AS IN GROWING OUT OF HIS DICK. HAIR.
He apologized for his naked psychotic episode and then we had goodbye sex on his sailboat
Turns out that my surprise "happy birthday" drop-in for my dad turned into a "my parents like afternoon sex a lot" realization.
And our DD is passed out in the bathtub with the curtain closed. What happened tonight
Cut a hole in the crotch of my onesie so we could have sex without me getting cold. Best decision of my life.
She just shoved like three McNuggets in her mouth and started sobbing and I have no idea what's going on.
My mom just sent me this: "I like Jon, but he needs to be the one going down on you! Yeah, we saw your head pop up in your car last night."
i'm teaching a bunch of people how to grow weed over snapchat. no shame.
What was the point of renting a $600 trolley if no one even remembers going to the first bar?
Would an open wound count as good sex or bad sex?
Regardless I WANT TO BE YOUR SEX DISPENSARY. that is like the career I was born for.
You threw him in the dryer?
He went in of his own accord. Mumbled something about experiencing the blossoming of popcorn.
Randomize
