Come home. Im drunk and cutting my own hair. This is bad, i need you.
I just found her phone in the quesadilla maker...
Your one and only job is to make sure I am on that bus tomorrow morning with no cat makeup on my face
i was that girl throwing up in the urinal. it was a dark moment in my life.
he screamed PILLOW FIGHT and hit branden in the head with a pillow that had a fifth of vodka in it. then he asked why he wasnt laughing
Apparently, Mom was less-than-happy about us shotgunning beers before we opened presents.
Ugh I need to clean my floors/walls/ I actually don't understand why boys get drunk and pee on things
Next time one of us has a party everybody has to wear a diaper. But actually you just need a shit ton of disinfectant wipes and maybe a hazmat suit.
All I know is that every time I looked at my glass it was full again and I thought it would be rude not to drink it
Shitty. Well if it makes you feel any better I just had a toothless wasted crackhead in my bar who was mad because there are TOO MANY FUCKIN TREES in Nantucket.
There is a midget driving a powered tricycle around town. I am not drunk, stoned, or lying.
The taste of regret at 8am, yup that taste is Jack Daniel's
Charging my vibrator at work. Pray to god I don't forget it!!!
We should get drunk in walmart
when?
20 minutes ago
Wearing panties to a party gives you a whole new perspective on life.
Drunk. Come get me. Out front blue shirt.
Where are you? And you borrowed my shirt. I know what you're wearing. How wasted are you?
Hotel
WHICH HOTEL??
Randomize
