I just got back to Nicks and I shoul dnot have drank this much when I have to work at 7AM!!!!!
i either bought an eighteen year old girl or i'm engaged to her... i'm not quite sure
it's just weird having a massive boner in the morning when you could have used it the night before.
There is something just so refreshing and wonderful about an uninterrupted morning poop in the office.
I cant date a girl that sucks dick at sucking dick
"Is there dairy in semen?" was in her recent google searches...so she's lactose intolerant AND a slut.
You deserve yourself a blunt and a build a bear.
Just had to explain my "wine me. Dine me. Sixty-nine me" key chain to my grandma...she took it surprisingly well.
eggs and jello shots do not qualify as 'brunch'
It was like the perfect storm of bad decisions.
Your stories are the best. I feel like you're a spy among the heteros. It's not fair.
I WOKE UP IN A FUCKING DOG BED HOW DO YOU THINK I FEEL
Pretty sure the waitress here is concerned about well being bc I've been here drinking by myself for 3 hours. If only I could show here FB so she'd know I'm not alone...
You some how ended up sleeping on one of the beams that run along the ceiling of your house
You're a brave, albeit stupid soul for wanting in on the fuckery that comes attached to my vagina
Randomize
