Hey I found your number in my phone i dont remember how we met this is richard btw
strange i dont have your number must have been a drunk thing
could be more
absolutely not
You are still hot in my book. I wanna dry hump u like a 9th grader then hump for real when the herpes is gone.
I see an opportunity for you to use your nakedness to cure my boredom.
He asked me to sit on his face, but i didnt, for 2 reasons, one, i had just pooped like 20 mins before sex, and two, this could be my future husband. so i skipped on sitting.
my professor just said "the power of the situation"
drink
Dude apparently i ran into the middle of a half marathon last night and some how won
he turned the pretty ricky playlist on. its about to go down.
you act like breakfast cereal isnt an entirely appropriate chaser
The moment you realize you should grow up: you're snorting your fathers percocet script with your old health insurance card, while your parents are on a 10 day cruise in the carribean...
I heard the bride mutter "I should have brought a fucking tranquilizer". I'm not at all surprised that you got banned from the bar afterwards.
There's a stripper getting there at 10 though so hopefully I'm out before the stripper gets there. I don't have time to deal with a stripper.
... drunk me broke the coffee table?
STOP TALKING ABOUT YOURSELF IN THE THIRD PERSON. YOU DID THE THING.
We need to step in, this can't continue. The guy she went home with last night looked exactly like Count Olaf, right down to the unibrow.
Which version tho, Jim Carrey or Neil Patrick Harris?
THAT DOESN'T FUCKING MATTER, YOU DON'T FUCK COUNT OLAF!!!
Is it weird that I was turned on when he told me he had a vasectomy?
I knew you two would hit it off
Heard about your divorce. Let me know if I can do anything for you or your penis ;-)
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