so ur a construction worker, male escort, sex god and surfer? lol
well its been awhile since I've surfed
What do ugly girls do when they get too drunk at parties. They can't pull the whole "sorry i passed out on your couch but i'm hot so it doesn't matter "card
I'm way too drunk on a Sunday to handle this level of Jesus.
As I was buying milk at the market, the lady at the checkstand said, "what? No alcohol today?" have I really earned THAT reputation?
And the cops told us we were all naked.
I am trying to figure out how to tell this kid i have a boyfriend in a way that still allows me to smoke free weed
First thought today, I need a ventriloquist dummy that looks like me. This week's project has been determined.
I forgot to tell you, wear something you can puke on Saturday. We're christening this marriage with a shot of jager. NOT KIDDING.
according to last night, I underestimated the size of my mouth and the possibilities of what can fit into it.
Goddamnit Shari. He's not called Pencil Dick because he's good a sketching...
i sent my dealer a picture of the money i would pay him. i also told him i would pay him in cheez-its if he would prefer that.
I called you a cum goblin in my voicemail. I stand by it.
The body is still out there. I don't think my trainer realized when he asked me not to drink for 24 days, how often I see dead people
Mom saw my dick pic over my gf's shoulder. She told her she really should've had me circumcised.
He's a college graduate, has an excellent job, and respects his family. To say nothing of his 8.5 inch cock. His narcolepsy not withstanding...I'm marrying this motherfucker.
Randomize