some dude just recognized me causeg he had a pic of us making out onvhis phone
just walked out of chelsea's house and saw cameron slapping his dick against her car. cant even make this shit up if i tried.
so he stopped for a second, looked up at me and said in a really creepy voice, "I can has cheeseburger?" and then went back to eating me out.
you kept trying to make scrambled eggs with 3 hardboiled ones.
Totally about to meet up with Ryan in an empty parking lot. Expect to fuck him. Yes I know it's 3am. Slutty? Possibly. Excited? Damn right.
Well, as a member of the greater american southwest gay community I just have to mark this as a total loss and you will be missed.
Theres a handprint of sauce on my frig, one streaked across my face, a trail of it to my bedroom and sauce all in my bed and i have no idea what the fuck i ate.
I'm glad I booty called you last night. It was nice to see you and talk, in between all the sex...
We sent off fireworks off in the taco bell drive through. They're taking it way too seriously.
He tried to do the do on me last night and my exact words were "stay away from my princess parts. they're renovating."
I biked home blackout drunk last night, but I have some memory of throwing my bike in a rage when I couldnt get it down the stairs. No idea on the bright orange puke in the sink.
A guy from tinder a while ago who sent me dick pics straight out the gate is a tech on my dad's hospital floor. I was wondering why he looked familiar and why he never took my dads vitals when I was in the room
FYI bail money is still in my drawer. I know you have no car but you need to know this for tomorrow.
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
this poor kid thinks hes going to have his first time with both of us
Randomize
