I just poured my flask into a drink. Then I realized the drink belonged to the guy next to me so I stole it from him. He confronted me and I made out with him to distract him. When I looked up, I realized his wife was watching. Its barely 10:00.
Think I'm gonna go cougar hunting tonight... Any advice?
condoms and good judgment
Can I buy both of those at the same store?
He had on juicy sweatpants and thats when i knew he was no longer a threat.
thats the mark of a good guy. when you can period all over his leg and he still thinks you're beautiful!
I woke up on a futon with 2 stolen budwiesers in my purse, 5 extra bucks, a sucker stuck to my shoe, one sock, and a stolen copy of the zombie survival guide
please tell me this is not legit
If I have to go to the hospital can we stop by the liquor store on the way?
The girl behind me in psych just tapped me on my shoulder to tell me there was a condom wrapper in my hood.
I don't care how high you are, you can't finger me while eating potato chips.
I won't go into too much detail about this but you should probably wash your sheets. In bleach. Or just burn them. Thanks for letting me sleep in your bed bro. Enjoy scotland.
I know you think I'm being paranoid, but can you please make sure Danny doesn't rub my wedding invitation on his balls?
Okay I can't even be mad, I'm in mid-plot to hook up with Michael Phelp's third cousin.
Are you still free tonight?
Oh shit I kinda forgot and took acid
Turns out that Irishman put my panties under his pillow afterward. Thanks?
You know you gave a quality blow job when you have to ice your neck and jaw the next day.
I had sex in the bed of a guy who owns a house last night so I feel like this is a significant step up from car sex in the parking lot of a library
Randomize
