Yup u can hook up with me now and not goto jail
i just defriended some girl because according to her status she "doesn't give a fuck about shark week."
i asked him how he could stand the smell of skunk. his answer was "it smells like good weed"...
my family just sang happy birthday to baby jesus. no ones even drunk yet
Seeing him suck some chick's face on VH1 wasn't exactly how I imagined the "we should see other people" conversation going.
I figured that I'd start organizing the places ive given head. I'll add treehouse right after bandroom
I am getting drunk. And i'm going to paint my face and slide down the stairs like Pochahontas. Goodbye
This honesty session brought to you by jagermeister inc.
I'm mad at him and disappointed with you. It's like I put a bunch of effort into a PowerPoint of "what not to do with Zach" to show you and the first bullet point was "do not love him" and you're just disregarding all my effort and friendship.
I have to make mistakes myself to learn from them
FUCK YOU I AM MAKING A POWERPOINT
I want to preface this by saying nothing happened, nothing is on fire. It is mere speculation. Do we have a fire extinguisher?
falling asleep on a hardwood floor changes a person
Hold on gotta plunge the sink
Is that a euphemism for sex? Either way, have a good time
wait you fucked a guy who wears k-swiss? seriously?
I know, im living my 7th grade dream
I flashed my boobs, shit my pants, and kissed the wrong twin. I'm on a roll you don't want in on.
Lmao. K I'll be 100% honest. I was over at your place like 12 hours ago with your roommate. If I hadn't of been there then I'd take you up on your booty call offer. So. If you're not creeped out another time please?
Randomize
