you pissed in a zip-loc bag and wanted 60 dollars for it
I think hes settled down now. He's just licking the walls and the windows.
So he thinks I sent him a picture of my boob last night, but it was really just a close up of my arm.
Whatever. I indirectly made you cum overseas. Call it even.
Will you push me around in a wheel chair, introduce me to people, and say nothing as I get up and walk away?
Oh, and i love you too. Im just a selfish dick who had to talk about myself first
Day drinking is so dangerous way too many construction workers out there to flirt with
Hungover. Have to fix everything I've broken. I'm gonna be very late.
Dude, you're only mentioning the Bro Code so I can't get any
I'm eating a subway sandwich in the bathtub because I don't want to move. God bless boys from Brooklyn
Whatcha doing tonight? Reply TURNUP if you are drinking, or STOP to cancel messages
What do you mean? Just eat his food and have sex with him. Unless you want a relationship, then just eat his food.
Awake! can you bring me my pants...im under the couch
Attention, i sprayed windex on me to disguise the scent of sex and regret off my clothes from last night
Ahhh, the bane of our relationship.... His mediocre penis
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