To think... Somewhere, too drunk by buckcherry is someone's theme song
we have a love-hate relationship...we love having sex but hate waking up next to eachother
Only if you bring Listerine. I can't come home to my husband from a bachelorette party with spermbreath again.
I just asked the dr if it was herpes while wearing my shirt from the strip club...
I told you to stay away from the strippers in Oklahoma
i woke up with a wedding ring drawn on my finger...if this was vegas id be worried
I don't really see how asking you not to cum on my face or hair makes me high maintenance
I don't understand how she could dump me AFTER we had shower sex. I'm fucking great at shower sex
I have hit nutritional rock bottom I am spreading peanut butter on to lays potato chips
Bathroom attendant appreciated that hug I have him as a tip. Fucking BROKE these days.
Hey, I'm making progress. I haven't thrown up in a bar while wearing a sweater vest in almost two months.
He kept singing Happy Birthday to himself, yelling at the bouncers for not letting him in, and telling them his "father will hear of this." He was like a drunken Scottish Draco Malfoy.
She told me she brought a guy home but that he looked pickled. And no, that's not an autocorrect.
Hahahah pickled
I asked her what she meant and she said that he looked like he had soaked in water.
She ran from her surprise party screaming "I'm not ready for an intervention." Yeah, the girl has a problem.
Also, fucking on half deflated air mattresses is a great full body work out.
Happy 20th birthday! I hope you like anxiety and having your debit card declined at McDonald's!
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