How drunk are you??
I'm flawless.
mom took my condoms, found one in the trash the next day
I know she was great
just had to explain to the health center why i wanted 50 condoms a month.
Things are burning & the world smells of peanut butter. It's beautiful.
"Stranger danger aquaman" were the last words i remember. help me.
I mean he did ask and he said it's cold out but i didn't realize we were that comfortable hahaha sex is one thing but borrowing a sweatshirt?
Locking that text forever.
They used the ice bucket from their room to drink beer from and called it the "Holy Grail"
the fact that you have a guy named the "i want you to tie me up and fuck me" guy speaks volumes about your life.
I left the brick of cheese in your car! Keep it at Moderate Temp! It's my precious!
He snorted adderall on my table. I have a feeling he's not trying to buy me flowers
Fuck me I smell like cheese
He totally just went there for sex cuz he slept in her roommates bed the rest of the night after they were done...
pure definition of booty call.
Just got thrown out of the club for making condom water balloons. I'm not ashamed.
Rule number 1 of dorm living: do not forget your butt plug in the bathroom.
I have cats now. Five of them.
Have you considered starting a global domination firm?
Randomize
