this guy showed up at my house asking for his sword and cape. something tells me i shouldn't drink that much again.
Maybe I need a light up heart over my vagina like Christina aguilera to get the point across
We need to buy some popsicles so we can remind ourselves we're good at this.
there is no way i can order from that cashier at in n out after she tried helping me while i was drunkenly puking in their bathroom at 11 am
but you must be fair and judge his penis by normal penis standards and not let your vision be clouded by the rare gem of a penis you have recently encountered
The bartender from Thursday remembered me... And gave me a FLAMING BUCKET of alcohol.
There is only one good excuse for how sore I am right now. And that is incredibly acrobatic sex. Unfortunately for me that is not my excuse.
we convincced her parents we were only wasted meanwhile theire faces were morphing into one and i swear there was a reindeer in the background
Call me when you get up. This hang-over is like dismantling a bomb: I need someone to talk me through it.
i made up my own drinking game and i took a secret shot every time someone asked me about school or my future
we were sitting in the kitchen and you kept biting my shoulder saying "itll all be over soon"
You just can't finish a sentence that starts with "I may have drunk peed in the bed" with "do you mind if I skip work and sleep here?" Anyways, yeah still drunk at work.
It's 4/20 and I spent the morning in the gym and am working later tonight. I don't even have any weed. Why am I adult-ing again?
You know you're out of shape when you're sore after masturbating.
Stand and applaud for me. I have successfully masturbated in a Walmart changing room with the door wide open during normal business hours. I lead a very Charmed Life.
Randomize
