Last night was an abortion. I might need a publicist.
she just uttered the sweetest sentence in the english language...my stripper friends are coming over
He insisted on sleeping in my bed. Had he taken all of my obvious hints I would have sucked his dick. He only wanted to snuggle. My world has been turned upside down.
The liquor store wont accept checks from us anymore.
Maybe shotgunning 4 days after oral surgery wasn't such a good idea after all...
Idk. I'm naked in front of the computer eating ribs. All is right with the world.
That's so nerdy and hot at the same time.
Well, I had a dudes gf walk in on us the next morning but nothing during...She shook my hand after I got dressed and said "nice to meet you with your clothes on" best moment of my life.
Whenever I'm hungover I try to stay in public as much as possible, hoping to be a cautionary tale to children. It's a public service, really.
They were supposed to legalize it when there was a chance someone might actually propose to me. I'm appealing this bullshit.
I'm done, I have no more memes or ways to ask for nudes, so yeah
what is considered shitting yourself?
Like my underwear wasn't soiled, but there was definitely a departure from my asshole.
When i said you could use my car and have sex in the back....i wasn't being serious.
We will just distract him with tacos and porn.
He's eating a sriracha ravioli sandwich. How do you think the night is going?
dont ever go to laser tag drunk. you will be judged.
Randomize
