I have a dream, to one day wake up next to a girl, walk to the washroom and kick her kids toys out of the way. That day has come, yes we can.
Last night my friend tried to make out with me in an olive garden. Ahahah
Nothing says 'I love you' like never ending salad and breadsticks
the only way I will be happy is if my gallon spiderman bucket is full of either popcorn, nutella and peanut butter, or fried rice. CHOOSE WISELY.
They play video games, go on acid trips, and in times of need, are willing to donate plasma together. COUPLE OF THE YEAR.
I NEED to see if his girl has a sister.
All that fucking tequilla made my head feel like it's inside of a body builder's asshole. He's doing squats.
like are we talking 'quick beer' bad or 'break out the real vodka' bad
please come here right now, that girl who always gets her boob out is here and she brought taco bell
She asked me to come on her OkCupid date with her
We can get drunk and battle coyotes
Every person I've ever had sex with is in Chipotle right now.
I feel like it is our duty to make homophobic people more afraid of us. They're never going to change, but maybe we can get to a "wrath of god" kind of worship-him-or-he'll-destroy-you-with-his-care-bear-stare type thing.
Please don't bang more than two exes at a time, just so I won't get confused.
Vomit your little heart out. You've got a long day tomorrow
Did you apologize to him for the trip to the strip club as a first date or is that something that just gets swept under the rug??
So, I almost went hone with a French guy and a drag queen. Together. Then I became sober enough to realize, that's not my style.
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