I just saw the host of Singled Out do standup. Holy shit 1995.
it was only during my walk of shame that i realized i was wearing the exact same outfit that julia roberts wears on the dvd cover or pretty woman. prostitution is my destiny.
apparently there was a flour fight and couch sex...
The last time you said "no one will know" is when you ran out of sprite at your birthday party and dumped a handle of straight up vodka into the jungle juice.
I'm just learned what a rim job is, I feel like crying
Seriously, this trumpet player gives me chills. Might be the drugs.
Tell me again why I left before the topless cake fight
apparently domino's not only has a live feed of pizzas coming out of the oven, but it also has a built in smooth jazz radio station. this pizza's getting really pornographic really fast.
I had the hottest doctor assess me at the hospital. He smelled like heaven and sex.
She's in it for that fear factor ya'll. Obsession and stalking or nothing.
All the doctor said was why
He said we were going to get fucked up in the woods so here we are
Idk, but the girl in his story had really nice eyebrows and was singing The Climb. How about you CLIMB the fuck away from my man
FORGET THE EYEBROWS
I can still taste your cum in my mouth and my in-laws are coming over. This should go well.
My roommate's overnight guest is screaming about the dog licking his asshole. I need a new place to live.
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