You can bone my sister, but I will end our friendship if you write 'LOLERS' one more time at the end of your texts.
So, right as I'm cumming, I pull out and go "PYEW PYEW" like Star Wars lasers. Best part is, I missed her completely.
just woke up to a get well card i wrote myself when i was drunk. it was by the advil. i am a cocky bitch.
Was I holding a cat when you saw me? Because that was the height of that party for me.
Out of control sex drive for a girl? I just masturbated in the bathroom at my in-laws house before dinner....
I also got a mission for you and you're gonna love it. Biggest. Hospital. Party. Ever.
But really- as the voice of your vagina I am BEGGING you to do it. If not for yourself than for your poor innocent puss
Trying to decide who to DD on the fourth and I came up with a Who's who of guys I've hooked up with in the last month. Not an ideal situation, but I have a feeling it's gonna happen anyway.
I think I need to expose myself to your dog so he knows that I am also a male.
I don't get it. Why have babies when you can have vodka?
Okay, so is being determined to have my vagina licked by a woman on Valentine's day an acceptable goal?
I'm just going to take a nap and hope I wake up more attractive.
Have you ever gotten such awesome underwear you wish you didnt have to wear pants?
Do you realize we were driving someone else’s car and I was holding the wheel while you were driving and sucking my dick. That’s NOT normal
Just saw a girl I banged wearing a pro life shirt downtown. Not sure where to start with that.
Randomize