It looked like if robin williams had a vagina
My parents just checked my browsing history and now think I'm addicted to porn and am a necrophiliac. 1: I know it was you. 2: You're so dumped, that shit is sick.
What? Cold floors are soothing when you have a hangover. How am I supposed to pass that up. Even if I'm at my parents house
All I remember from my 21st is crying because the bouncer made him put his shirt back on
One of my other friends found me and the dog in the back seat of this one guy's car....I don't even know
If I ever mention marriage force me to Brazil to do coke and strippers until I die.
The only thing that made me get out of bed this morning was knowing that tonight, I don't plan on remembering what happened today
Just cause I'm shitfaced wasted every night waking up in random beds all over Manhattan does not mean I'm a mess.
Truth. Respect the hustle.
i did nothiing wrong other than not tell that kid his whole back was covered in puke
also please imagine me hopping a fence at 3am using two chairs. It was a shit show. K's guy practically ripped her off the top of the fence bc she got semi stuck. It was like watching Disney on Bud Ice.
So one possible side effect of women taking Viagra is that my tongue feels swollen. You having any?
I'm beginning a new chapter of my life in which our fridge will always be stocked with jello shots. I'm excited to embark down this road to fruity, semi-solid alcoholism.
the bouncer just handed me a Starbucks bag of pound cake
I will be wearing a suit out more cuz it has been decided i rage harder with a power tie
I can't decide which is the most disgusting: emily having sex on the stairwell of a frat, michelle shaving her vagina with a razor she found in a frat bathroom, or me getting fingered on the dance floor by some rando. opinions?
Randomize
