All I'm saying, is that being compared to a Muppet is not the end of the world.
This is awkward. You have a four minute voicemail from me. I would delete it. I accidently hit your number on speed dial and called you while I was vomiting a mai tai.
there's a taquito in the driveway. If it's not yours I'm going to eat it.
I just saw the Donald Trump of homeless quys walking down the street. He had three shopping carts and a bike.
My entire floor is waiting for the couple to come out of the shower. She's a screamer. We've blockaded them
martini and pecan pie.. breakfast of champions.
I gave ten strangers a full description of his penis and its abilities. I need to stop drinking.
I want you inside of me and on top of me and under me and behind me
Basically I need you to be like god, just fucking everywhere
I say go for the trifecta and maybe you'll get a medal or something. Or a baby. That's like the same thing right?
Her family was right next to mine during christmas eve mass. Between the terrifying glares and her trying to set my sleeve on fire during the candle part I am VERY sure she knows im fucking her ex...
Wearing a shark mask, slugging tequilla, in cowboy boots, and not minding that my spandex is on backwards. What are you up to?
Pagan metal show. There is a folk dance happening in the mosh pit. Also, I have no idea where we are.
WHAT KIND OF DEALER ONLY WORKS FRI-SUN???
Ours, apparently.
My mother is currently smoking weed with a dying bee so his last moments aren't miserable. And she wonders why I rescued a grasshopper missing a leg.
sober me is not impressed with the quality of people that drunk me gives our phone number to
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