Haha no. But I cannot hook up with you anymore. Especially when you group text people.
Pants 0. Shit 1.
is it bad that the cashier at chick-fil-a shouted "see you tomorrow!" as i drove away?
So we sucessfully lit our bathtub on fire. Thought you should know.
my brother is a facebook fan of two things: God, and Rhianna. if he's not a prime example of the rare "baptist closeted gay," i don't know who is.
I just threw up in the bathroom next to the zebra exhibit. The kids don't know I skipped a beat. Best nanny, ever.
He is eating chips off the floor in the emergency room..
Notice: I will be intoxicated and in your area this evening. To unsubscribe from my sexual solicitation list, reply 'fuck off'.
I'm on a no morals kick. That'll be 3 girls in 24 hours....ending 2011 with a bang
I don't think boys are aware how difficult it is to take a picture of your own ass.
It really went downhill when you started writing IOU on pieces of napkins. Giving them to the strippers
Real life dumb and dumber
She helped me out of the car and i face planted into the snow.....and just stayed there and took like a 30 min nap.
YOu just turned down my vagina. Something must be wrong. Vegas changed you!
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
Sexual side note: sushi and cum do not mix well. That is all.
Randomize
