I wish I only lived at night.
Besides, I'm not in my 30's. I'm still allowed to drink wine from a bag.
I just got a msg from someone saved in my phone as "gouiys stAndingg nezxt me not oz". Omh my life.
The lady next to me at the airport just baggage checked a six pack. She is now my hero.
he ate me out on his front porch at dawn. i orgasmed when the sun began to rise. most romantic morning booty call ever.
to instagram or to not instagram the picture i took of when i shit in the urinal
You'd think the neighbors would be used to grown men coming into my house drunk at 230 am.
I gave him a bunch of ideas to use to spice up their sex life. Say what you will, I am the best 'other' woman ever!
You walked up to me, grabbed my face and said "I just peed in the sink!"
Let's be honest, I am pretty sketchy looking.
Trust me.. Might look gay.. Might feel gay... But I could snap your neck with my inside thighs bro
last night you told me I had a dark, salty butthole
Next time you have him paint you an outfit so you can do you walk the street naked TAKE A SHOWER BEFORE YOU GET IN THE BED. MY sheets look like like an acid trip
One minute we're singing Wagon Wheel, and the next you're belly dancing in a trash bag on the beer pong table
We could just stay sober.
No! We tried that once.
It sucked.
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