Today I realized that I've had whole drunk relationships with people. And sober me has and wants no part in it.
She was lying in bed moaning while eating a Snickers and masturbating.
Google Chrome's "top 8 most visited sites" page has become my motivation to stop masturbating
After the tests come back negative, you guys will look back on this evening with fond memories...
When I was with my girlfriend I was averaging 1 random hookup a week. In the 2 months I've been single I haven't got any. I think I need her back.
I can'nr wwn explain this nihght . So amnt dixks. Shitttttt.
Yeah, I wouldn't mind getting fingered in the corner of a dive bar again.
I puked in the urinal of a bar tonight. Not embarrassed cause I got away with it, legitimately upset you weren't there to make fun of me.
So to distract myself from jackies vomiting, im making up a story in my head. It's called the little penis that could
Dad says your scarf isnt fooling anyone and u look like a douchebag, its literally the perfect time to tell him your gay
just found out I was hugging strangers at the bar last night. there's photographic evidence. I know none of them
WHAT KIND OF GUY JACKS OFF TO A PICTURE OF A BUTT WHAT IS THIS THE 1980s
If you find me in the bathroom in a fetal position, licking frozen bacon .. I might have Drank a little too much.
My mom just woke me up with a cowboy hat and sunglasses on. It's 7 am and she's drunk.
I'm so hungry and so lazy that I'm seriously considering ripping into that packet of cream cheese in my nightstand.
Randomize