Have you not heard of Jennifer's supreme lust for William Shatner? She wants to eat Taco Bell off of his love handles
She was either really drunk or really not interested. Everytime I tried to ask her about herself she would respond with a line from Stepbrothers.
Dave a horae rider a coqw boy
i can now proudly say that ive peed off of a balcony overlooking the pacific ocean AND a balcony overlooking the atlantic ocean
i should do something illegal before my birthday. as of thursday im old enough to go to jail.
I just saw my first passed out person, sprawled out on the sidewalk like they died. I wanted to take a pic but I thought that screamed "tourist"
You know you're at a low point when you're sucking vodka out if your hair.
Dude you missed it. This guy in the liquor store knocked over a whole display of 5 hour energy with his face.
I have reverted to folding laundry while watching porn. how much sadder can my life get?
I think I'm leaving the streamers and balloons up from 4th of july till after he stops by. It'll be like the universe is celebrating his massive dick.
In other news, last night I told somebody they made eczema look so good they should call it sexzema.
He literally just peed in a trash can in our room. It didn't even have a bag in it
Also not to brag but I got high last night and got us a host family in a chateau in the south of France
Btw, remind me to tell you about how I had to cancel my crazy wild sex plans with Will b/c my roommate came back from his trip after a day b/c Canada wouldn't let him in. Fucking cockblock.
Actually that's the whole story. You don't have to remind me.
I want to be her friend more than I want to fuck her boyfriend.
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