She said her name was "party"
Smoked a bowl on a rollercoaster. Literally ON. Beat that.
Okay I'm all about any plan that ends with "We're gonna get you drunk."
The woman exiting the men's room tried convincing me she was actually a good-looking man.
I feel like his dick looks like a decorative autumn squash.
and I believe it was when I was running to class to take a test still drunk in my Halloween costume that I realized I have reached that point in the semester where I just don't give a flying fuck anymore.
Apparently she saw two women get in a slapping match over a comforter at target yesterday. She said it was awesome. Clearly I take after her.
Getting my nails done with Diana... I'm going for the keep your friends close and the girl who's dating the guy you want to fuck closer
So I just sent my ex a video snap chat of me getting head from some Venezuelan hottie with the caption I still love you. Think she'll take me back?
Never in my life did I dream that I would meet and NFL linesman, let alone that he would be standing before me dressed as a Roman centurion and asking for Vaseline.
The parents I babysit for are at this orgy. I need to leave.
I'm about to eat a honey mustard chicken salad on the toilet while I try to shit. You really think I care about what "kind of guy he is?" The fuck out of here.
If you don't care, I don't. Good luck finding prince charming.
i just sexted for my mom while she was driving, i have hit an all time low.
Apparently i disappeared and no one found me until the morning , but i have fifty missed calls
Bad part of last night: I puked in my hair. Good part of last night: I assembled a posse.
You kept pulling me aside saying "look what I found"
Randomize
