Just got a lapdance on the metro. She said she was on maternity leave and needed the practice.
I went golfing for the first time today!! Aren't you proud?
Driving a golf cart around all day with a keg attatched to the back doesn't exactly count as golfing
My little brother got home at 4am too, we drunk ate together. It was a kodak moment.
Just had a nice conversation with my landlord while cleaning your puke off my car
I'll see your cousin, and raise you a sister.
hungover at the ER to get half my contact removed from behind my eye. Not the start to the weekend I was hopin for
i took a picture of my dick. with a stick figure drawn on it. and a paper hat taped to the tip. and i call i the mayor of Dickville
I've figured out why I love winter sex. Because I make them leave the beanie on, and we all know I love a man in a beanie.
Someone had written "Boxmonsterette" on the bathroom wall and I just knew you'd been here.
We have your weave and dirt in our room.
I may or may not have puked in the ladies room. Now I get to convince my client to go to substance abuse treatment. Oh, the irony.
Ok despite the fact that both you and I love dick we could have a great marriage
I'm just down here gazing up into your ivory tower of nudes
Must be why he thought choking was foreplay. Like WTF? No.
So your telling me I can lick your ass but you CAN'T spend my money
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