Three words: puerto rican gang bang
I'm so hungover And my mouth is so dry it feels like my tongue is wearing a sweater
I think jizz is working it's way to becoming my number 1 food source.
period poops. best. ever.
omigod im sitting here with ben and he and i both got that...chick you totally just mass texted that...
The cab driver referred to me as his little gumdrop, im sure he won't feel the same when he sees the vomit all over his floor.
couldnt find a condom. used a surgical glove instead. actually worked and the sex was great. thanks nursing school
Definitely just blazed with the housekeeper. That woman needs a raise
I expect to be treated like a lady. Even If your sticking it in my ass.
Just woke up bloody and clutching a rear view mirror I'm pretty sure is from my car. For those of you keeping score at home this is why I stopped drinking four loko.
I'm getting flash backs of last night. They're coming in song form.
Porn. Physics. Porn. Icecream. Porn. That's my life now.
Some lady found my secret pooping bathroom at work. Do I fight her Highlander style? I made or may not be fashioning a crude sword from seat covers and toilet paper rolls.
Do it. DO IT. There can be only one.
I do NOT want my proposal story to start "...he was peeing on me and then..."
DUDE NEVER CALL THE COPS BACK
location: under the moon. please find me. need ride home.
Randomize
