Im at a strip club, and the dancer just farted into my face. The bad part about that is I could taste the wings I bought her earlier
Is it weird i consider You Sexy Thing our song?
capt morgan doesn't hurt if you honestly believe it's golden flavored kool-aid.
Hooked up with my old baby sitter last night, so what do I do? As I was sucking her tits I decided it would be a good idea to say " goo goo gah gah"....it wasn't a good idea.
of course. lets lasso hookers.
She left me a voicemail too. It's just her moaning her name repeatedly
I'm not an expert but calling her the "hot lesbian" isn't going to coerce her into a 3some with you
I've started bribing my dorm's security guard with cookies so that he doesn't tell all the boys i'm hooking up with about each other.
I have more sex toys than shoes - HOW AM I SINGLE?!?!?
we're like the harlem globetrotters of underage drinking
The worst thing about having to live at your parents again is the struggle to make up more excuses to cover up the booty calls.
The fact that I made out with a twenty one year old father is kind of worrying me now. Like. This is exactly what I wasn't supposed to do in life.
I told him he looked like my uncle.
Why would you say that in a bathtub?
sober me is not impressed with the quality of people that drunk me gives our phone number to
you've already made the comitment to pee in public you should at least whip your dick out
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