matts gf stood and watched my naked ass gather my clothes off his floor this morning. sweet.
Dude there are two smokin hot chicks laying outside my apartment...I almost want to tell them theyre laying where I threw up last night
U should. Its a good ice breaker
I can’t believe the potential orgy I left behind at Waffle House.
I just saw a hobo ride by on a unicycle. Good day.
He choked me out. i woke up to poo. I dont think i like S&M
He used one end of the towel to wipe the cum and I used the other end to wipe the tears
I'd love to sympathize with you but I'm drunk in a mansion
She just made out with a golden retriever. I'm disgusted and turned on all at once
I can't ever date him again. Whenever I see his face I just remember helplessly pissing myself in my car.
You've fucked so many I should get a word bank when you make me guess these things.
She told me to pick her up in the corner of shame and self-disgust.
I was looking at our sex bingo and pretty much every single row or column has at least one kind of person that is harder to find than all the rest
We've made things harder for ourselves
The struggle will be part of the fun
...I'm not a booty call or a pizza...you can't just call/text and expect to be eating me in an hour..
All I want for Christmas is my co-worker's speakerphone to be thrown against a brick wall, and the remains burned in a backyard fire while I roast a hot dog over it. Is that so much to ask?
You were only speaking with either thumbs up, thumbs down, or high fives haha
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