You hurt me so bad and it feels so good
Uhh me and Jacque peed on the street outside the bar last night and wiped with flowers. I vaguely remember her repeating the word "fresh" over and over.
What are you doing tonight?
Watching dora the explorer and pining for a sex life.
a chick just tried to cover her fart by sneezing. it didn't work
Just ate lunch with a paperclip again. Seriously, need to invest in plastic forks.
Where can I buy a trophy for a Groupie Award?
She had sex with a merch guy. . . band guys make you groupies, Merch guys just means she's easy.
At front desk. Got a beer drinking pigeon.
Just found out I own a pyramid. Fuck your good grades, I'm living in my pyramid.
I think these people may actually be nudists. You know it's bad when I feel uncomfortable.
Clearly the ONLY reason why you were voted employee of the month is because of your upside-down beer funneling skills.
I've got the dick your vagina needs, but not the one it deserves right now.
He has silky zebra print sheets, which you would think he put on just for me, but the bed was unmade. Did I just sleep with a closet case??
Got 2 free lines of blow from some random guys on the side of 13th street.....how's your Sunday going?
REMEBER. We are young, horny, and poor. If someone wants to give us alcohol... TAKE. IT.
don't judge but I think I'm gonna go fuck a dad this weekend
Randomize
