It's a sad day when you realize you are no longer above fucking in movie theater bathrooms.
I am full of burrito and curiosity
i knew he was a douchebag when his facebook activities were "ladeis," and "gettin crunk wit ladeis"
And next time, don't pick a fight with me when you're naked. That's just not fair
running late. just ran over a dude on a bike
I just witnessed someone getting head in the parking garage. Don't ever tell me Baylor is too conservative again.
btw, do you remember scaling that porch last night?
omg just made cake vodka jello shots, sooooo excited
dear god these taste like death. death and sprinkles
i think the theme of this summer is "shitting in weird locations."
Unlike bears, this weekend is not the #1 threat to America. It is, however, the #1 threat to my liver
Owwww. A manager/ employee sex scandal that DOES NOT involve me! SCORE!!!
I might as well walk around wearing a sandwich board and accept the fact that I'm dying single.
Sorry your girlfriend got you a valentines present and you forgot to get her one.
How long will your dick be dry?
Im so drunk and the cops showed up so i ran on all 4's through the woods because i had no shoes hoping they would mistake me for a fox
Fucking hate kids. In particular I hate our kids.
Randomize
