i just found an uncooked ramen noodle in my underwear
every time i recognize a doctor or patient at the hospital on this rotation, i just pray it's not from my blackout saturday makeout slut moments...professionalism shouldn't count on weekends
did i try to light ur hair on fire with a sparkler at the club saturday?
Oh my gosh they are following me around the bar
Blow your rape whistle
Everything's a blur with pockets full of jello
The only pictures I have are of me being stoned or me looking like a man, which do you prefer?
Who ever is in the stall next to me is crying and it sounds like they're doing massive amounts of blow too. Finals for your ass huh.
And we're now at 8 people from the office coming to my desk to ask me "do you feel better?".
Sadly he is straight as an arrow that is designed by a robot computer from the future with lasers.
This saddens me. Mostly because I want to see the schematics on that robot.
I had phone sex with a retiree last night. This is not how I envisioned my 20s going...
I knew it was a bad night when the only thing I could remember was you force feeding me tortilla chips as I hugged the tire of my car and begged to have my stomach pumped.
ATTENTION PENIS' OF BURLINGTON: I AM COMING FOR YOU
At this point it's more of an experiment to see how much actual bush growth is possible. See, being single can be both educational and surprisingly comfy!
That was right around the time that the drunken mess pulled out his dick in front of myself and like 10 other people and started peeing all over the train platform while saying, "Sometimes a bear gets you brother. Sometimes a bear gets you."
Pretty standard Thursday night commute for you, no?
He had a flex off with himself in the mirror but he thought it was someone else for at least 20minutes.
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