Whenever ur ready we need breakfast and a psychic.
Her vagina felt like a horse was eating an apple out of my hand..
she thought don quixote was a type of tequila.
so when I got there he was dressed as jesus in a recliner drinking whiskey out of the bottle watching spanish porn. Then kept shouting dont judge me or ill judge you. we didn't even go to a halloween party.
he yelled 'rock me amadeus!' when he came
i love that song!
NOT THE POINT
Also, fighting a very strong urge to nickname your dick Whitey Bulger, at least for today.
My hickies are dark enough that I can feel drivers judging me from across an intersection
Dude between pissing everywhere and all of those frogs, that bathroom got wrecked.
... why is there a bottle of pee on my headboard?
Oh no, we smoked the revival weed. It came in a Batman bag. It hit like justice. And orphans.
Lets watch game of thrones and have sex every time someone is naked. It'll be like a drinking game but better.
We'll just charge in there, all pant less and fabulous demanding he give back her ferret.
At the funeral we'll say nice things, like "She was delightfully extreme, psychotically wonderful, and could probably drink all you fuckers under the table."
That's literally the perfect eulogy
But you''re still having sex with him. And a hobo convinced you to.
I only gave you one rule about using the beach house: don’t get cum on anything!
You’ve seen my tits! You had to know that rule was unrealistic! Does it help that he was really cute?
Randomize
