he's my edward cullen
I am pretty sure Edward Cullen never had an all-day drinking binge topped off with some blow.
I'm wearing this super skanky ass dress that's wayyy to slutty for church but I think Jesus will appreciate it because i look so bangin for his bday.
I am pretty sure I told him the clouds were earth's purest filtration system and that snow was the rarest and most delicious water in the world. My lips are burning because we ate so much.
He saw my tits then looked up and yelled thank you jesus as loud as he could
How the hell can the Olympic committee frown so much on weed and yet put on a show you would have to be high to actually enjoy?
I just watched a video of Justin Bieber kissing a girl..... the sad thing is that I actually got upset.
she wouldn't stop crying, so we sang her to sleep. i'm guessing you will find her in the same position by the toilet in the morning. night.
so why are there three stressed gay men and a bowl of vomit in the smoke room?
Someone apparently named 'eleaw' just text me asking if I had fun last night.
Life just isn't the same without him waking me up at 4 in the afternoon with a look of pity on his face...
Made out with a chick in front of a girl I'm banging and successfully reDENNISed her within 9 hours
He woke up in a dragon costume, covered in bong water. That was a party we will regret missing.
Don't blame me. My vagina leads me astray.
My google history for last night included "Whre is johns house" and "wher can i buy nukes?" Pretty sure they're related to one another.
Just caught myself trying to make grilled cheese with the stove off. I think my dad knows I'm high.
Randomize
