i have the same doorman on the day shift as the guyi shacked with has on the night shift. he just laughed at me when i came home this AM. FML
Women are like Alzheimers patiens. You can compliment them a million times in a day, but the next day is always a wash, you have to start all over.
I'm gonna put my relationship status as "widowed" to see if it helps me get some poon.
I just found glitter on my vibrator... whatever we're doing has to stop
We just found a handle of vodka in our fridge and no one knows how it got there. God I love spring break.
Just interrupted a freshman tour to ask where the sexual health center is. Figured I'd just give us all what we were really looking for.
Sometimes you gotta say "hey, its been a long semester. Let's puke before 10"
I definitely pole-danced a parking meter outside a party last night. The cheering was appreciated.
if the furniture in my bedroom wasn't shape shifting... this would be a different story.
Eredayimstrugglin ..Can we talk about the fact that I just typed "er" and it autocorrected to that. Fuck my life.
Looks like I'm not in the Ashly Madison files. But my wife is.
also. got fucked to usher last night. dunno if thats a new high or a new low
Was it at least a good usher song?
You've hit rock bottom, swam around the ocean floor, and brought back silverware from the titanic.
Did my extra credit for a class I badly need to pass at the bar of Friday's.. kind of sum's up my college career. Got a 90 though.
one week and then i'm back on the sexual grind. a party is being planned in my vagina's honor
Randomize
