yo i stole a wine glass from the ritz but i spilled wine on my hundo dolla shirt
If you dont, I will tell Dad you are gay.
Fine, and I will tell him you fucked his business partner
Previous statement retracted.
He doesn't like you, he likes u not having a gag relfex
we talked for like an hour, i feel like we really bonded. i mean i was simultaneously giving him head but you get the point.
I appreciate the offer. Swallowing pride is much like swallowing cum, difficult and unpleasant
The liquor store wont accept checks from us anymore.
The good thing about having holes in your nose from all the drugs you do is that you can't smell nasty things. Like puke.
The landlord called, GOOD NEWS! Noise violation #2! Something about people singing and fighting with vodka bottles in the parking lot. Well done us.
I was going to ask the people in the kitchen to keep the volume down, but they're cooking pasta at 3 AM and one complimented me on my polka-dot nightgown. They're high. No volume control.
I just did a jell-o shot with my grandmother. I can die now..
The girl I was Skype sexing just asked for a moment of silence for robin Williams.
The date did not go well. Turns out I once set her brother on fire.
I woke up with sticky red stuff all over my sheets, face, and chest. Apparently after I blacked out I thought eating ribs in bed was a good idea
hey man , the girl you brought home last night is in the kitchen puking in the sink and asking if she can have more shots of Whiskey....think i should give her a shot glass or send her home....
It will pretty much be equal to the feeling I had when you let me hold your dick while you were peeing, or when I graduated high school!
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