if you made me into a cookie and threw me into a betty crocker easy bake oven on christmas morning...that's how baked i am
Its official, cigarettes are now more expensive than weed
Is it bad to use cherry nyquil as substitute for grenadine? Because i just went there.
Nah, totally cool. It already has the alcohol in it.
I wish they had a "No Yankees" filter on status updates.
Whoever said that a man can only cum up to 8 times a day is a fucking liar...or was never on adderall
thank you for tagging me in all my pictures as "skank" and yourself as "made by the hands of God"
Just had a flash back. Pretty sure i ate toilet paper last night.
Wear whatever you want, I'm wearing ass-less chaps and a sombrero
Making cookies for neighbors. Spill beer all over dough. Bake anyways. From good neighbors back to the shitty college kids next door in under 3 seconds.
He told me he was married and then fingered me on the kitchen counter. It was awkward to explaining the broken toaster to my roommates this morning...
There is a stockpile of mangos and vodka in my backyard and I'm at least 90% sure you had something to do with it.
This Christmas I would like to thank Jesus for cocaine.
He deserves someone who will touch his penis at 3 a.m.
Okay so my roommate deals some drugs so whenever he leaves we can hook up, be ready
I didn't know I was the on call booty call damn
He goes "what would you say if I told you I like to get it in?" def a potential soulmate right there.
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