Charged a drink to your name last night. Thanks for the whiskey
Came home to a chalk baord that read:" Think like a rapist." Can't say I'm surpirsed.
So just talked to them hahah i like that people sat there and watched as you two made out... They said they even had to refill their beers
you went around the entire night in your french maid costume dusting off the "cob webs" on everyone's crotch saying "you havent gotten any action in a while"
I was wondering why i got so many friend requests the next day...
Youre on making sure I dont black out around fat chicks duty
like a sex slave...but with a better dental insurance plan
Last time I saw him the sun was coming up and he was asleep in the student wellness parking lot. For some reason people were peeing on him.
It took him three days to realize his roommate had moved out.
Why doesn't the washer have a puke setting?
What's sign language for "you may not be the father?" Kinda important right now.
I will always make you feel special and slightly offended. That's my job.
I went eBay shopping last night. Turns out I brought a Viking drinking horn. I can't even be mad.
Visibly drunk girl eating alone at a souplantation just spilled salad all over her body. It was me
I can now recognize that when my wine bottle reaches a certain point, I probably shouldn't tweet, text or call anyone. RESPONSIBILITY
I just shaved my legs via the sink as to not wake my parents up because I know I'll be having marathon sex tomorrow after my certification exam... so this is life after college.
Randomize
