It's an acquired taste. Like keystone. Or caviar.
I think the best part was when you jumped over me naked.
I just noticed my teeth are no longer straight. Wondering if anyone had an explanation.
Can I sell my birth control in a yard sale?
seriously considering responding to a craigslist ad for a lesbian cunninlingus instructor...at this point i'm so desperate for a job that i'm willing to switch teams.
You called me at 4am shouting drunk shit about Poland and asking me to 'come out and play.' Where the fuck were you?
Poland
New guy at work just gave me a Percocet for my headache. Officially best friends
Turns out I hooked up with a chick who has lupus. I don't know if that's a bucket list thing or not, but it's now on mine. Check.
Next think I knew I was pretty much using his penis as a microphone... No more playing Eminem during hookups
I fell asleep in the tanning bed, naked, for an hour and a half and I guess they couldn't wake me up so they called the fire department...and they came in while I was passed out naked...
Stumbled across a pregnancy test in my closet. Oh, the freshman year flashbacks..
Afterwards he face timed like four of his friends screaming he banged the hot intern.
This drink tastes like mosquito repellent.
OF COURSE I FUCKED HIM! Did you not read the part about him having red and green Christmas condoms?
i have to pee so bad and he is sleeping and idk where the bathroom or my clothes are!!!
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