i fell asleep last night with fifteen animal crackers in my mouth. rock bottom dude.
When health care reform is passed, I'm throwing a kegger
You are the reason we need health care reform
He poured all of the vodka into the sweet tea and said that tomorrow it would be called 'surprise drunk.' then we had sex.
A monkey stole my iPod. This was not in the fucking study abroad brochure
it was like getting a handjob from robocop
Please don't tell me I was shouting "I'm bleeding from my vagina" in front of my ex-boyfriend and his new girlfriend.
If I'm gonna go to jail I'm gonna be wearing a poncho
You have to stop getting hammered and preaching about that mission trip to Haiti.
I bought a dress specifically for face plant durability... this is how serious I am about my drunk status this weekend
He took the bartender's challenge and took a Jello shot with a tarantula frozen inside.
He's both a cowboy and a firefighter. Saying "no" was not an option.
That's totally the Emoji for "just ran into some girl who knows I know she had an abortion"
He said i got a new job lets blow this money he bought 4 bottles at the club he is now crying after seeing the reciept
I got blackout last night and applied to be a banker
is it bad that I see hot guys I wanna sleep with as challenges instead of actual people?
yes. but it works for you
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