The greatest thing of my life happened today. I took a shit and it formed a smiley face. It's going to be a fucking fantastic day.
The best part was that when i tried to chase her she ran off in one of those barbie motorized jeeps that little kids use and i chased her on a big wheel, thru lincoln terrace
this text is just filler to avoid a lull in the conversation
All i remember was he was wearing billibong pants... well actually my mom found that out for me.
Based on how hungover I feel today, it makes more sense that the bouncer didn't let me in to that bar.
well my dad not being home definitely made it less awkward to walk in carrying the bra I left wearing.
Someone posted a printout of my tits on my door this morning! Where did they get this photo!?!
I feel like i'm walking on a never-ending field of baby sheep.
That basically sounds like the worst party of my life, and I'm including my brother's World of Warcraft themed birthday party.
You used a fucking bud light like as lube last night. I'd get a UTI test like stat.
The only thing he told me before he passed out was that he is from Buffalo and I'm a bitch.
My sack is cleanly shaven and the rest of my body has been manscaped. i even put aftershave on my junk. i feel sleek like a fighter jet right now.
I guess "hi, I know your mom, she taught me in high school" is an effective pickup line
Come as you are, bitch. Glitter and vodka provided.
I wore my old cheerleading uniform.. He came before I even touched his dick. Should I be irritated, or flattered?
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