she said "lets play dickbreaker!" and then threw my blackberry at my dick as hard as she could.
so i had sex last night with my 12th partner, but hes number 1 for my first time using a condom. i think im finally learning.
We had sex under a tree in his boss's backyard, then I hooked up with his best friend. I don't even care how I got home.
I told her we could be friends and she said the last time i told her that we had sex behind a bar at 4am
That's not how these arrangements work. You don't buy each other stuff unless you break a sex toy. End of story.
announcing that you were the mayor of bjtown got their attention.
They made the rule if I caught the ball with my cleavage they would drink the entire beer pong table. I don't think they expected me to actually do it.
I don't think you understand. Its the best fauxhawk you've ever seen. I look like a gay dinosaur.
That's the most beautiful thing I've ever heard. Can I call you littlefoot?
Someone with the Instagram name "hymenbreaker" just liked a photo of me and my grandma. I feel ashamed.
All I know is when I checked my phone this morning google translate was open with "help the cow ate my robot" translated to French
My boobs just got me out of my third ticket last night
i'm so proud. i woke up to nearly seven feet of basketball player in my bed this morning
you win. again.
He used the ring emoji and we've gone out four times. What is my life.
i've got three words. i. was. spanked.
I gave her the last ten dollars to my name and bitch comes back with a six pack of bud light and a pack of sour patch kids
Wanted to let you know I hooked up with your brother.
i thought he was gay wtf
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