Some guy with no shirt on and his pants undone informed us he was kicked out of the cab
I asked him why, and he had absolutely no idea.
having sex with you is like teaching a dog to tango, it DOESN'T work
My vagina makes bad decisions like its her job
You tried to poop in the sink last night.
I'm currently witnessing my drunk neighbor attempting to fold laundry on his front lawn. I think he's trying to spell out HELP.
I'm pretty sure they changed the plants at the grocery store because of us
Whenever you feel bad about your life, just remember the time I tried to swim while high and thought for a minute I was genuinely drowning
Where are you?! I require drunk, males and possibly crying. Vomiting is optional and/or optimal as is karaoke.
It's pathetic. My bed hasn't been this sexless since it was in bedmart.
I joined the mile high club last night. I ran a mile while high on coke. It was glorious
Lol I wish they went straight to your cock then shot out into my mouth like a cock nacho dispenser
I've had my dick out in public way too much for someone my age...
is it bad that I see hot guys I wanna sleep with as challenges instead of actual people?
yes. but it works for you
The economy isn’t reopen until I can get drunk and motorboat fake tits at lunch on a Wednesday
Remember the Giant sandworm from the movie Dune? Well that's about how big his dick is. No bulshit.
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