i just unintentionally masturbated to my own facebook picture
and I didnt even know his name until this morning when we were laying in bed and he referred to himself in the 3rd person.
he wont speak to me right now because i told him it must suck knowing he'll never be as good as edward cullen..idiot.
While my grandpa showed the family a slide show he accidentally included a topless photo of his new gf.
is it still called a breakup if its your friends boyfriend that you have stopped sleeping with?
Thanks for not stopping me when I decided to call my mom at 2 in the morning to ask her where I was born
So after I was tied with a feather boa he left me there with KFC and cherry coke
There was a cop outside the house so we just put the alcohol in this watermelon
Multiple bruises and a hell of a headache later, I have still to find out where the fuck I picked up the bottom half of a mannequin.
Also my vagina isn't a crater of death where nothing comes out
He said he wanted to "superfuck" me
Does he wear a cape??
She said I had a really great aura. Which I think is hippie code for "I bet you can give me a mind melting orgasm"
he'll always be the guy that i fucked on the bathroom floor
In an unrelated matter, im gonna eat you out so much later.
Good rule of thumb: only list personal references with whom you have hallucinated
Randomize
