I'm taking child development now so if you get pregnant i can raise your child no worries
just took my birth control pill with a shamrock shake. happy st. patrick's day
"Whiskey Cheerios" was a terribly great idea.
Dude, she introduced me to her best friend form Russia and she was a 10. Her other Russian friend was even hotter. How did communism fail?
he said i was so drunk that i shared a urinal with him and we simultainiously peed
Do you know what's great about Canada?..... There will always be a Tim Hortons on my walk of shame route
Well I will be attending the wedding with a flask of wine, potentially with a straw, and POM POMS for cheering purposes. Needless to say I will be well lubricated by your arrival..
Just got flashed by an entire bus of girls in school uniforms. We then had to wait beside each other at a light. It was awkward.
Some girl just walked passed me, said "fuck yeah!" and is now crawling up the stairs
Like sorry you chose to have an attractive girlfriend dude
THANK YOU for not letting me make out with that girl omfg I was one step away from a foursome in the handicapped stall
You should frame my arrest warrant.
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog
you could be the only one getting laid right now....yet your sitting in here making goat noises
Tell me that I didn't just get ash in my Russian and just mix it TF in bc who cares and life has no meaning.
Randomize
