nothing can go wrong this weekend. $1500 to spend. i have options for hookups every night. my backup plans have backup plans
Have you ever chased with pilaf before? Because dont.
i lost virginity while listening to candy shop. something in my life has finally gone right.
Is moral bankruptcy something you need to file for?
Is it hot in here? Is the room moving? Its moving. The room is moving. Its spinning like a top. Have you ever been covered in puke? What are you doing?
So I found "Fat chicks in saran wrap" in my search history.
That's all you talk about when you are wasted.
Your cat is quite the conversationalist after some tequila and shrooms
Time flies when you're blacked out in a lake
Please tell me there isn't another video of me on the toilet...
Know what was probably a bad idea? Using white wine as a mixer for vodka.
...and that is the first time I've ever wished fewer naked women on someone I like.
You turn 21 at midnight!
This is better than being born!!
FUCK and YOU. times 10. To infinity and beyond. You bastard. Worst. Cockblock. Ever. I'm going to nail your sister.
I just had the polyamorous Canadian hockey player do the splits while naked in a handstand at my apartment just now. And yes, I know it’s 1:30am on a Thursday.
I burned my tit while he banged me and it was still the best kitchen sex EVER!!!
Randomize
