Any particular reason you put 2 smashed up limes in my back pocket last night?
I am so getting Plan B when we get home. Not getting knocked up by a dude with a hair piece.
Fell into a man hole last night. I've been bleeding since 11pm. Got kicked out of the bar for being bloody.
I swear it started with good intentions but then my slutty side took over and we started playing strip checkers
He might have if you were a little more subtle about your feelings instead of telling everyone multiple times how much you wanted his dick
The cop asked you after the breathalyzer what you think you blew and you very discreetly shouted "I'm pretty sure i blew Kyle on the way here "
Dude I thought she was trying to turn my dick inside out
It's like I'm getting a welcome home parade with sex!
I fought a guy last night because he said "extra pulp orange juice is the best orange juice"
My liver needs me to go back to work asap.
He called me khaleesi while I rode his dick. He wins
At least I got steroids and a baguette out of the deal
I swear, I make more use of my creative writing major with sexting than I do with anything else
I'm on a party bus with a stripper pole with middle aged women who have all started drinking
God bless your soul.
What do you do when you legitimately find a hidden sex dungeon in your parents basement next to your bedroom!!?
Randomize
