i only shaved half my leg
on purpose
no, i will not be your spotter when you masturbate with a noose around your neck
I passed out in the VIP room and she charged me for 17 songs until I woke up, theres a bouncer asking me for $700, fuck tequila
And your hair- I'd make sure to pee on it first.
I ran a string through all of my old vicodin bottles and strung them on the tree. Tis the season.
I've been living off of popsicles and broth.
I think he's in need of mouth to penis resuscitation. Which I happen to be certified
Apparently william has a "couch montage"...an album of facebook photos of himself on different couches in various states of happiness and despair. A heartwrenching journey through what was clearly a significant part of his life. I'd mock him more but I think the fact that I looked through it means he's already won
And I would just like to take the time to say my boobs look great today.
Fuck I am starving. I don't think I've eaten in the past two days.
You didnt need to. Gin is like eggs, its a perfectly nutrionally balanced meal.
I CRIED after phone sex. Am I gay?
I made out with about ten people last night. And four of them were just on the way to my car from the bar. And one was my roommate.
Is it weird to wish your favorite hooker "happy thanksgiving"?
Not sure who they are or where we're going but they just bought me 3 tacos so I'm staying.
Pretty sure he was in my class in like 2nd grade
I like how you know everyone I've ever fellated.
Randomize