it's not a party till someone uses the fire extinguisher.
Umm I need a rain check. Long story short is I have scabies. Research it if you want. I'll tell you everything another time soon, I promise.
four loko is officially banned. leave it to the kids from a state school to fuck it up for everyone
Land Before Time marathon. we drink every time littlefoot almost eats a treestar.
What was the name of the cook I had sex with at Famous Dave's?
Sorry blacked out and lost my phone. Judging by the looks of my body I fought a cat and fell into a bush.
I will kill you in such a brutal way if you ever de-pants me again on the dance floor it will make the stock market ticker
"The cab driver felt bad for us so he stopped to buy us chocolates. That counts as a valentine!"
Forced to cancel my booty call due to the snowpocalypse. This crosses the line.
I woke up with a dick pic from the ex-Mormon via email. Not really what I wanted to see before my first cup of coffee this morning, but I gotta say, I'm impressed.
He kept saying I needed to go to the hospital and it just made me want to call him a pussy so I went to bed
She sent me a thank you card for not fucking her boyfriend...
Is it sad to eat a candy bra by yourself?
The only reason you haven't shit yourself yet is because you don't like having fun.
It seems that I didn’t convey clearly enough how well and truly fucked we are, Jack. Listen to me very closely: we are DEAD.
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