The sex toys I ordered are being shipped to my billing address instead of shipping address. Take a guess where they're on their way to right now - my parents' house. And the package has to be signed for so there's no way around it. Fuck.
yay america 4th of july drinking game. take a drink every time you hear or see a firework, finish your drink for a mention of mj or the gosselins, a shot for the words democracy,hope, freedom, terrorism
Just met a guy who has been in college for 7 years and still classified as a junior. Then watched him shotgun 10 beers. Found my new hero
That's why Kanye is a gay fish.
when we were having sex and i started crying and telling you i missed you..why couldnt you stop and tell me how you felt or make me feel better?you kept going...
I tried to put a seat belt on in the shower. And I'm 80% sure I ate soap.
I poured myself a glass of chocolate chips at some point during the evening.
This old guy just saw me toking on my bubbler before I go to the dentist. He gave me the nod.
My mom now keeps ice cubes on hand for my bong water. We may be able to work this relationship out.
i just looked in the mirror i look like i'm about to film a PSA about prostitution
Is that a polar bear? You seriously grinded with a polar bear at the club?
i dont know whats weirder. that i told him he stabbed me in my dream or that he told me i wasnt the first girl to tell him theyve been killed by him in a dream
i'll llet you know if at any point this night starts to make any sense
I feel like a pet sloth would complement my lifestyle.
fucked a girl in the dry storage closet at work. knocked over a whole rack of tomato paste and pinto beans. and also i really hope my manager doesn't review this footage from the security camera
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