You'll put your fingers inside me but you won't be my FB friend?
And i was thinking, 'i'm happy to be underneath you, but i wish you weren't doing THAT.'
All I have in my fridge is chocolate cake, pizza, spicy mayo sauce, beer, and weed. I love college
i wish my apartment had room service that i didn't have to pay for.
so i think im going to actually use my calories on food today instead of beer.
Then she opened the door and pitched the dead squirrel out, yelling "TELL THE OTHERS WHAT YOU SAW"
I think its only fitting my first purchase with my student loan is a glass pipe? I think ill name it 'Subsidized'
Also, last night I had a dream that I was in a victoria's secret fashion show and they made me wear a t-shirt over my lingerie. Spring dieting begins now.
I just high fived you brother at the bar then immediately realized my hands smell like your vagina
I just had the worst experience of my life, my grandma found my condoms.
Drove by a guy getting road head, midday on O Street. That could be us, but you won't let me in your pants when you drive.
I think it's time to give up this life and become vikings. You in?
he BROKE his KNEE while we were getting it on, called 911 and the ambulance that showed up contained two paramedics, ONE WAS HIS FUCKING SISTER!!! HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?!?!
Poor life choices...?
He's teaching me French for free and I'm giving him blowjobs. Win-win.
you know you're sexually deprived when you're holding a warm taquito in your hand and your vagina starts to tingle
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