You told me to hold on because you had to barf like a dinosaur.
i dont want to stoop that low. but my dick does.
Judging by the amount of alcohol multiplied by the amount of her exes here, tonight will be ending in tears.
Judging by my dry clothes and wet sheets, I think I might have gotten out of bed, pissed ON it, covered it up, and passed out on top of it
Just had to return the shit I stole from the dining hall, with everyone watching...apparently there ARE consequences for being drunk, coked up and belligerent.
I just asked the bartender if I could get insurance on my drink in case I spilled it.
I have vodka soaked strawberries. My latest tarot card reading hinted at a lesbian/bisexual coming out. I doubt I survive the night.
I need to establish a pattern of dominance early.... I'm like a slutty Cesar Milan
Come get me we have a petting zoo to throw up in.
Pounding your chest saying "me Tarzan" is not flirting or even talking
the new numbers in my phone would beg to differ
MY FUCKING CAT JUST GAVE BIRTH AND IM FUCKING STONED AND I FUCKING DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO!!!
You guys had reggaeton music playing while dry humping? Definition of romance.
He met a girl at a stop light and managed to give her his number while driving down the highway.
You shouldn't play strip poker when you're having a wet fart kind of day.
He's getting so into these sexts, I hate to tell him I'm fully clothes, watching Bring It On and eating chips and salsa.
Randomize
