All I want for christmas is my sobriety back.
She called me Jeff during sex, I just kept going like nothing happened. To think, if I was a woman that would be a problem.
I just had a cup of orange juice and thought it didnt taste right. It didnt have vodka in it.
should we take a power nap before our cocaine gets here?
its like national bring your ginger to the pool day or something
I've learned something. I regret way too may Tuesdays in my life to be normal
He's drinking red wine in a margarita glass. He couldn't be more perfect for me.
Hey, hey, hey, hey. This is a hurriCAN.
He knew exactly who I'd slept with after just one look at my crotch. He's like the Sherlock Holmes of cocks.
he was very distressed by my statements that there could have been balls on shoulders without awareness
Currently getting "blaow" buzzed into my pubes. How's your thursday?
I don't think she can come out, she went too hard in the Intro to Theater Drinking Game at 2:30
like stop just cause your whole life has been one enormous reject pile does not mean that i have to suffer too
My Midnight Kiss was a Big Mac.. Happy New Year
WHAT A DUMBASS ugh I'm so glad he looks like a middle aged dad now
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