If he doesn't notice me by the next party, i'm just gonna go up to him and pll his pants down and blow him.
Sounds like a plan.
For the amount I put out, I should be going on way more dates.
I just spent the last 30 mins playing uplifting songs to my uterus, & there's no way I'm pregnant.
Some guy is walking around the bar with his dick out. Health code violation?
you had me at cake vodka
It would have been the trifecta of dick for her.
Ive never seen him vulnerable before. He just had surgery and looked so cute on his crutches. like a little baby bird with a broken wing. that i wanted to nurse back to health. with my vagina
But mostly fuck him senseless. Render him speechless. Have him look at my vagina and wonder, "WHAT SORCERY IS THIS?!"
well he somehow got his hand stuck in some bike spokes trying to reach for a blunt he dropped and that's NOT the reason he's in the hospital...?
My farts smell like burning tires and false courage
You were cussing me out in sign language, and slurring your signs.
That's some kind of record drunk there...
Dude there's ten thousand dollars worth of damage to the kids house and three thousand in stolen property and his dog is missing he is pissed
If I give him back his dog do you think he'll invite me to the next party
Just deepthroated a hot dog. Thinking of you
For future reference: bathtub full of cheeseburgers = win.
She keeps comparing me to her favorite dildo and I don’t know if I’m flattered or creeped out
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