9 beers later and she still looks like Gary Busey.
Life lesson: Don't give a drunk girl a dutch oven after having taco bell. She puked all over my pillow. Funny as hell though.
Went to use to bathroom and walked in on karaoke. Two girls singing "a whole new world" to each other in the shower. I'm gonna miss this place in the summer
Im not gonna remember this tomorrow but the real money is in coke i wanna get a dark wood desk and cell coke then i can own taco bell and the xxl chalupa will be mine
And i didn't ask you to do that, You showed your penis at your own free will.
Is tonight a drink a little and reminisce kinda night, or a drink everything and pray kinda night?
Being drunk is way better. Seriously, I just licked your brother to make sure my spit was actually real.
I saw your relationship status and wanted to write "Now you can fuck with some peace of mind that she isn't giving that other guy she met online a handjob."
Sure. But we have to be quiet.
Ninja mode activated
His cat watched us the ENTIRE time. Every time I glanced over the poor kitty looked at me as if I were pelvic thrusting her father to death.
Should I be scared that after we hooked up she took antibiotics with Sailor Jerry's?!
my dry spell has ended & now it's like a tsunami of dick i can't handle it
I wish I had a clear image of the dude who was sucking on my tit outside the bar last night
i spent most of last night convincing myself that dan akroyd wasn't actually standing in my bathroom holding a dead chicken
Oh. My. God. I. Am. Going. To. Punch. Someone. In. The. Face. Immediately.
Randomize
