I'm having a terrible night. Can I sleep over?
Too tired to pretend that I care : (
found a strand of your hair in my car. it's 1 ft 7 inches long
wtf you measured my hair?
i wiped a booger on my final. end of semester present.
when the police officer said he was gonna take a picture of the car accident, you asked if you should pose on the hood
Yes my plan is to drink the college out of me so i can be an adult by monday
You can buy vodka at target here.. Maybe Missouri isn't so bad after all
Oh you don't have to buy a shower curtain, I stole the one from her bathroom. It has dolphins on it.
They told you that you couldn't fit in the dryer. Man, did they eat their words. You did brake the door though.
Please come over, I'm slowly melting into a ball of sexual frustration. If I'm not dead by the end of the day be very surprised.
Everyone's impressed that I actually got pee all over his car since I'm a girl and they're a little curious..
Your uterus is safe from my father's misconstrued prophecies.
I told him I was ready for another round and he said, "after this part." What guy chooses James Bond over pussy?!
Drunk is not a location!
Omg. I just remembered my underwear is in my wallet
The only reason you haven't shit yourself yet is because you don't like having fun.
Randomize
