Why is half of me covered in green stuff that won't come off?
You stripper-danced on a light pole in the quad. It had fresh paint on it.
I wish i could convert my hornyness to productiveness. I would have written a fucking book by now.
Professor took us out for drinks. She said if I ordered the 64oz "Call a Cab," she'd give me an A. I drank it in 5 minutes. A+?
Hhahaha he is. Omg the new polish friend just took his pants off in front of me. There is something wrong with this nationality.
Quite frankly, I consider the fact that I'm NOT pregnant one of my greatest achievements and I'd like to chronicle that ongoing success. I'm going to post pictures of me at "0 weeks" once a week.
pre-gaming in the library. just gonna keep going until i'm too drunk to keep working and then i'll be there.
This is most sickening thing I've ever seen, and I threw up my body weight in jello shots on my birthday.
Toilet is so comfy. Serious question/why does weed make every surface feel like bed?
I have a strict rule of what enters my vajay. It's either sparkly, or human. Anything else and I draw the line. Standards.
yeah, I don't think I'm getting into the baseball game tonight. The security guard definitely saw me bowl over that child.
you can't tell me not to come to work cause roads are bad then ask me an hour later to come in and expect me to be sober
We kind of crashed their funeral party. Oops.
Can I just go naked and covered in glitter?
I’m at that point in my trip where I’m kinda hot, kinda cold and I have to remember to breathe.
Why would you ask him if you could lick his chest?
He has a very lickable chest
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