i wonder what megan fox's vagina feels like.
Heaven soaked bacon.
Def ran into my elementary school babysitter at the grocery store. Still hot. And she complimented my beer choice. It feels good to still have her approval
i mean, we fucked on the futon in the garage where his band practices. pretty sure im now obligated to like his band on facebook.
a guy tried paying for lapdances with cds, who uses those anymore?
I want to be ashamed of the things we do this weekend
We got jeff a deep fryer for his bday. So far the count is two potatoes and your iPod.
i shit in a pringles can and hid it somewhere in your house....happy hunting
Everyone is drunk but me. Fantastic. Everyone is hooking up but me. Awkward.
I had a pitcher of margaritas. Now I'm in a laundry room being a 5th wheel and crying. I made myself a bed out of a pool floatie. I win.
I'm not entirely sure how getting 'house drunk' turned into us getting trashed, being serenaded by karaoke and going out. But it needs to happen again.
You called me a pussy and continued to eat an entire jar of peanut butter with only your hand.
Ones vagina should not have the same slogan as a can of Pringles.
And they're not making a turkey. My cousin was "hoping to shoot a bird this week"
you just have the mind of an innocent, non-tainted child.
YOU KNOW THAT'S BULLSHIT BECAUSE YOU'RE THE REASON IT'S BULLSHIT
At least they took the pillow of my bed before they had sex. My friends are so polite.
Soon to be ex is nowhere to be found. Her attorney/new BF just showed up. 30 minutes late looking hungover. Pretty sure I'm getting the kids AND the house!
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