mom and grandma are in town. grandma wants to get drunk with you
Just saw a teacher from our school with his wife... Now i really know how little teachers get paid.
On second thought, trying to signify she was a butter face by wiping my bagel on her cheek may not have been in my best of interests
once you started introducing yourself as "running-bear" i knew you were beyond fucked up
I called him daddy. To his face. Somewhat sober. What more could I do?
Februarys looking very promising in the vaginal department
Can we put this graduation on the shelf figuratively and go drink
I think I just smoked a piece of your foot. Were u picking your feet by the weed?
Hi I am too sober and out of rum. Translation: I owe you some beer. Also, get better taste in beer.
"YOU A2TE UNDERAGE LOL" Got that at 2am. Gotta stop dating alcoholics.
Wow. Last night.
I knew you were shit blasted when you called me your "sunflower queen"
He's getting Easter eggs filled with weed or Jell-O shots for his birthday
Ice cream and condoms, solid grocery store trip
Look, all I'm looking for is a good time and someone whose chest I can bury my face in
wait i saw you last night?
we found you ass naked on the couch covered in pillows.
Randomize
