I can't make any promises. I've tried my best to stay celibate. But if a guys on top of me, Im gonna tell him to stick it in.
Sandra Bullock looks like the most recent Michael Jackson
I mean she's dancing like an epileptic patato and i'd like to slap her
I woke up at 1pm, looked in the mirror and fist pumped...I might still be drunk
We had unprotected sex and she's eating life cereal for breakfast. The universe is telling me get the plan b for her
The vomit I understand but how is there seaweed in my bed?
I smell like gasoline and adventure.
are you still mad that doritos made their way into my sex life
.....a litte
it was fucking weird. cops showed up but they appreciated our 3 story bong. and then some girl tried to steal our cheese and butter
Dude, jerking off when you're all hopped up on pre workout energy supplements has got to be the greatest thing I've ever done.
YOU LET ME GO HOME WITH CREEPY RON JEREMY?!?
...and?
I hate when you're right.
I'm dying. The alcohol is viciously exiting my tiny body.
Just killed a snake in my bed! And by killed I mean hit repeatedly with my fist. And by snake I mean a lump in the covers. And I pissed my pants.
That was my first party and they were so suprised that this little freshman girl was a FUCKING BEER PONG QUEEN.
im pretty sure i tried to use axe body spray to cover up the strong urine smell coming from my jeans. im also pretty sure that it didnt work.
Randomize
