it's like there's an entire ecosystem in your vagina.
Ask him about the girl he took home Saturday night. I swear she voted for Kennedy.
Home remedy for the herp. Black tea. I need to strap teabags to my wang.
We are lost and the only things we have are peanut brittle, cookies and vodka. I think we'll make it.
At some point I'd like to figure out how the weird kid from sociology ended up on my couch naked hugging what appears to be some sort of clothing....seriously it's creeping me out
Would it be sharing too much to tell you that my nipples hurt so much that I couldn't comfortably go down the stairs?
You know what's fun. When your getting a new mattress and you forget you put your vibrator under your old mattress and the moving guy finds it
My high school reunion is Thursday so I need to find an outfit that says "Haha, you got fat and I got tits. Suck it, bitches."
We were fucking while the tv was on, and one of those animal cruelty commercials came on. We then switched over and started doing it doggy style. It was then that I realized that I'm going to hell.
I think I have a bro crush.. When I imagine him, I imagine him waking up to go take a shower and just finding three bitches making out waiting for him. Like that awesome.
I'm finally in my bed, my pants are off, and there's no pee on my carpet this is the best life has been all day
My mom just told me I look like darth vader. how's your night?
I swear to fucking god if he takes away netflix I will have no problem sending his gf our sex videos
Tell me not to drink and get on ladders. I think I need the reminder.. I'm clumsy enough sober.
Just shared a bacon biscuit with my cat.... Life is weird for me right now
Randomize
