I am in a vortex of obligation.
You told her the u were going to wrap your dick around her neck and start her like a lawn mower. thats why she left.
You turned to me, asked if I was having fun yet, and then threw up onto my jeans. Thanks for the awesome first time partying experience
its not that she doesnt like having sex with you, your balls just smell worst then your ass.
I pretty much just threw a bunch of clothes and my vodka in a bag..idk where I'm gonna end up tonight but I'm prepared.
Old lady caught me peeing in the street and yelled at me and said "I REBUKE YOU"
My neighbor is on the his front porch in a robe dipping a popsicle into what appears to be vodka. I want to be his son.
Just please never masturbate in my bed again. I'm burning my sheets as I write this.
They have chocolate covered tequila candy at work. This is not a drill. May be drunk by noon.
in case you were wondering, even a BJ under a blanket on the back of a bus only lifts a 14-hour bus ride to borderline tolerable.
Just to circumvent as much mood-killing as possible, you are allowed a small amount of laughter at my pubic hair. Too much and I revoke your vagina privileges until you can get your shit together.
When I said I wanted you to make noise during sex, I didn't mean mocking ones.
Spent the majority of my senior year drunk. Graduate of 2011, I think 2011. Probably.
She's still mad at me for saying she looked pregnant and not getting her chicken nuggets.
In the words of Disney’s Jafar, “desperate times call for desperate measures.”
Randomize
