chipotle is closed for thanksgiving... I am officially thankful for NOTHING.
Freedom, beauty, truth, and love to all. I also probably have syphilis
Um please remind me to tell you what happened tonight. It involves wine, pain killers and firing a handgun in our apartment. Legit might be hiding from the cops this weekend.
Look, the fact that I didn't kick him out and rip your clothes off speaks very highly of me.
You remember the guy they called Meat in high school? Well, let's just say my vagina remembers him now.
Spider-Man is making out with Wonder Woman while Captain Kirk feels up Princess Lea. Nice to see nerd barriers broken down at Comic Con.
So ive come to the realization that my affinity for tattooed guys makes me the literal definition of tit for tat
I left myself a note saying 'buy a hamster but not an orange one like this pen'
omg so drunk
he can get married early and ruin his life but he sure as hell isn't ruining mine with a shitty bachelor party
You know your acid trip is going well when the orange you're eating gives you a life lesson
I think he has some internal "man stuff" that keeps getting in the way.
Like alcoholism and general douchbagary.
He lit a shoe on fire and tried putting it out by peeing on it
I haven't gotten this high alone in a long time. I keep looking at the cat waiting for her to say something.
he came with me to get plan b but they didn't have any. when I started crying he said "come on it's not that bad.. ill go get sandwiches from the vending machine and we'll have our first meal together as a family"
Got upgraded to First Class and now I’ve got the whole Pacific Ocean to seduce the very hot gentleman sitting next to me!!! Door closing, wish me luck!
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