honestly, who buys weed with an unemployment check?
you.
oh yeah. preciate
no homo or anything but the way you were dancing with that girl gave me a boner
Can you tell me we didn't drink from a fish bowl we found in the bathroom last night? I know it would be a lie; I just need to hear it.
Balcony sex scratched the shit out of my phone. Whups.
My sink just fell out of the wall. I can't deal with this right now
Tell me you remember me getting a tampon from the girl throwing up in the next stall
i miss our vodka / percocet laundry days.
Too lazy to get out of my bed thats 2 feet away from you. Are you sure youre alright?
Did you know that taking off a bra with teeth burns ninty calories?
It's whatever. I just want to see his dick again
What's the procedure for answering a booty call from someone under house arrest?
As the cops are taking us away I see the strippers taking our DD backstage.
After this week, alcohol is mandatory.
There's no triumph quite like finally banging your high school boyfriend 6 years later
I’m going to give his broken heart CPR with my vagina
Randomize
