Reminder- he's a douche bag. A big one.
I couldn't deal, she's a vegetarian. Every woman should like a little meat in their mouths.
Can you tell me why I have pubes stuck in my teeth?
Just so we're on the same page, we cannot have been the first people to have ever thought about shooting that guy with crossbow
I've come to realize that after waking up this morning for work no one wins in bar dice.
I can't. I can't get out. He cooked me food. And made me jager bombs. And painted a glow in the dark smilie face on my boobs
I just saw her shopping list. The only things on it are blackberries, hot fudge and condoms. I almost don't wanna know. Almost.
I gave up yolo and cigarettes for lent. I owe god a sincere apology.
Fuck I keep finding new battle scars from our fight. Justin told me I stabbed you with a broom handle.. Do you remember ripping my pants off?
Let me tell you the story of bicurious george
This Alex the guy who suck your belly ring
I taught her to play Monopoly. She sold me her bra to keep from going bankrupt.
I had no idea he had such passive aggressive animalistic tendencies. This is the human equivalent of peeing on someone.
Wore a burger king crown while giving head still drunk this morning #blessed
I could not add him. He gets 5 likes on Instagram.
Randomize
