She rode me to the beat of Baby Got Back. I swear to god.
I thought the fact that I took home a 42 year old with 3 kids would excuse my tardiness this morning because my boss is also 42 and has 3 kids. Boy was I wrong.
so she asked me if I thought she was fat and naturally I said no..... but I think she might catch on
who is she? I really hope you have an explanation cause either you think I'm fat or you're cheating on me
I watched her choke out a bouncer with the broken strap from her purse, I think shes the one.
As you were leaving the bar you grabbed a table and when they stopped you, you said "Its cool i came in with this". They did not believe you.
Just tell your wife to stay in the car because you are self conscious about drinking infront of her. Now you have a DD AND we can still have a good time.
Rule number one to being a good adult: don't use your vagina as an icebreaker. Just some wisdom I thought I'd pass down from experience.
I don't know. Something about answering "what did you do on Sunday?" Seems odd when the reply is, painted, went to the grocery store, put a restraint device on my bed.
she was braiding my hair and singing forever young while she vommed everywhere at the same time. Talent.
I woke up in a stranger's bed wearing nothing but santa socks.
My Sundays are fucking awful. Can't get a blow job.....can't get a win.
Good. Go forth, young stallion. Destroy the vaginal region with your tidy crotch.
How do you politely tell a guy that you only kissed him so he would shut the fuck up?
I feel like I'm in a astronaut outfit like I'm a spaceman & I'm just floating around cause that's all you do in space is float and I'm floating to be in detail
Houston we have a problem
So bottomless mimosas = me waking up in a truck bed in a random neighborhood with no purse or phone or idea how I got there.
Randomize
